Leaving the Union (Hetalia fanfiction)

Chapter 6 ~ Old habits

     Saoirse was sitting at her dining room table, the top half of her body was sprawled on it, and her arms were hugging her head, which was face down on it.

     She was crying. She couldn't stop it, it was her people that were in pain and shock. She didn't want to cry, but she couldn't help it. It just happened half of the time, because her people are some of the most emotional out there, they just mostly hid behind a mask.

     She lifted her head a little and leaned it up against her right arm. Suddenly, something in the kitchen instinctively caught her eye, but she held back. She refused to break a promise that soon. She wouldn't do that again.

     She sloughed back in her chair, sighed, and looked sadly down at the table in front of her.

     'I've never had control of my history... did I? That was the one thing that gave you control, Saoirse. You need to have some kind of control in your life, and that was the only way you could achieve that. When you promised Alistar you wouldn't do it again, he was controlling you. No one cares, Saoirse. You're just a pawn in other peoples' and nations' plans. Once their done, they're going to toss you aside, just like what Arthur did. You have control over what happens to you now. Take that chance for even that smallest type of control,' Saoirse heard the voice, but tried not to listen to or act on it. That, however didn't seem to work. She found herself subconsciously looking at what had caught her attention earlier.

     Her body seemed to move on its own, she had no control over it. Suddenly, she realised what was going on.

     'Wait... She only should have control when it's Samhain... er- Halloween... whatever the feck it's called now,' Saoirse thought as she fought what had taken her over. Her right hand was shaking as it reached for what she was looking at before, on its own accord.

     It grabbed the object, and when it had gotten closer to her, the sensation went away, and Saoirse instantly dropped the object, but as it fell, it sliced a small cut into her left arm.

     Saoirse let out a hiss of pain and backed away from the object that had cut her. She stared at the cut as it faded away a few seconds later. She then stared at the bloody item just lying on the kitchen floor.

     Did that count as breaking the promise?

     She figured that it didn't, and picked the knife up by the handle, rinsed off the blade with water, and slid it back, sharp side up, to where it stayed, with others like it.

     She felt sick to her stomach as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom. She wouldn't tell anyone. She knew how Alistar would react, and she didn't what him yelling at her again.

     She had promised him. He wouldn't be happy about breaking that promise so early, even if it was an accident.

     Before she went to bed, she made a silent vow that she would NEVER let that happen again. She wouldn't let anyone or, even herself, harm her in that way again.

     She wouldn't cut herself. No matter how many nations wanted to watch her suffer in the worst way possible.

*~*End Chapter*~*

AN: Hey, Agents! ......... um... yeah... I'm pretty sure it was clear what she was doing to herself, if you didn't know... um... Surprise? I honestly don't know what else to say, other than, if you have intentionally hurting yourself because you feel like you're not worth anything, please talk to someone. I'm here, but a therapist is probably the better option, because they have a type of silence vow.

so yeah... Thanks for reading! I guess... .-.  Love all of you! <3

*~*Agent AJ signing out!*~*