Five

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Deanna's

Trust the process.

Trust the process.

Trust the process.

Trust the process.

Lintik na trust the process na 'yan! Paulit-ulit kong naririnig 'yan. Pero wala, e! Anong klaseng process ba? Gusto ko na siyang kalimutan pero hindi ko magawa-gawa kasi alam kong mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya.

"Alam mo Deanns, moving on takes time. 'Wag kang mag madali, kasi lalo kang mahihirapan." Luigi suddenly said habang nag-iikot kami rito sa mall. Takes time? Sa loob ng tatlong taon, hindi ako nag madaling kalimutan siya! Sadyang hindi ko lang din siya magawang kalimutan. Hindi ko pa kayang mag move on!

"Gi, it's been 3 years. 3 fucking years. Pero hindi ko siya magawang kalimutan pati yung ginawa niya." At pati iyong pagmamahal ko sakaniya. Hindi rin mawala-wala.

He let out a deep breath bago tapikin ang balikat ko at tipid na ngumiti.

I decided to go home para makatulog ako nang maaga. I feel so empty these past few.. years. I'm physically tired and emotionally exhausted. I feel like giving up any moment from now.

"I'll go ahead na rin, D. Drive safely okay? I'll see you next time," Tumango lang ako kay Luigi at nag-beso sakanya. I was on my way to the parking lot when my phone vibrated.

From: +63 987 654 3210

Hi Deanna, I just really miss you. Sana makapag-bond tayo soon. I love you.

My eyebrows furrowed after reading the message. Who's this? A secret admirer or something? I shrugged off the thought and sighed. Kung sino man 'to sana tigilan niya na ang panttrip sa'kin.

Jema's

Hindi ko alam kung tama bang sinend ko iyon kay Deanna. But I want her back. Wala pala siyang iba, ako lang. I don't know if I'll be happy or not. It hurts knowing that she cries over me. I don't deserve someone like her. I was the one who texted her. Bea gave me her new number because we met a while ago.

"Jema, mahal ka pa rin ni Deanna. Sobra. Ayaw kong manghimasok sa relasyon niyo, because it's not my business anyway," Bea messaged me last night and told me if we could meet up. "Pero seeing the both of you suffer breaks my heart. Alam kong mayroon ka ring pinagdadaanan, I don't want to rush you to forget what happened, but I'm here to make you realize something and I know you know what it is."

Ramdam ko ang tubig na tumulo mula sa mga mata ko. Hearing those words from Bea softened my heart. Baka nga ang pakikipag-balikan sakaniya ang solusyon para maging maayos ako? Kami?

"Here's her new cellphone number. If you made up your mind, text her. We don't want to rush you, but in time, alam kong pwede pa rin, Jema." Makahulugan niyang sabi bago ako iwan mula sa kinatatayuan ko. She saved Deanna's number in my contacts.

Baka tama sila. Baka oras naman para pakinggan ko 'yung sinasabi nila. I know I could better, I could be better, for me and for her. Pero sa ngayon, aayusin ko rin muna ang sarili ko.

I prayed before sleeping. Hoping that He heard what my heart wants. Who my heart wants.

In His perfect timing.

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