11th too late ✔

v/ Harry Jenkins

Date two:

The night couldn't have gone any more worse, first I turned down sexy Ajmal's offer to converse with me under the night sky, where most romance starts.

Only to find out that my date is a forty eight year old Harry Jenkins, who lives with his mom, loves eating junk all day, everyday while binge watching movie series or playing video games and wearing adult diapers so he doesn't have to take a pee pee.

Anyway, according to him, he's looking to settle down finally because his diaper wearing mama keeps reigning hell for him to get his butt off the couch and give her grand kids.

Paris, by the way, has been sending me annoying text messages right after I texted that I was going to murder her, scream style, for getting me this kind of date. I mean doesn't she background check first?

And she claims I'm the love of her life.

I watch as he munches on his fourth burger of the night, clearly food needs more attention than his date, and I'm really grateful it does.

I cringe at the sight before me, can I just die already? "So, uh, I really have...to...go. " I announce.

But he only just looks at me, with a mouth full of food and greasy stains all over his thin mouth. Gross, give food some respect man!

"What do you mean?" his voice is muffled by the food in his mouth, a few bits and pieces flying on the table, I'm starting to feel nauseous, "can you please hold on a minute, I got a surprise planned out for both of us."

I really hope it is the food in his mouth that made the words sound like that. Quickly, I type on my phone to text Paris, who's been slurping milk shake for a while.

Me: He's got a surprise.

Me: what do I do?

Me: I'm about to puke all over the table!

I glance back at her and catch sight of her snickering, her fingers typing away on her cell. My phone vibrated within seconds:

Oreos love👑: LOL

Oreos love👑: da ball is in ya court.

Oreos love👑: OK. Let's jet outta here.

That'll do. So I grab my bag and stand up, but I am stopped by Harry, who's hand is currently wrapped around my arm.

"Wait!" his voice is loud enough to draw attention, great, "Champagne," he draws a breath, "I love you." he whispers.

"Aaand I'm out." I turn around again, but is only stopped when everyone around me gasps, including Paris. This can't be good.

I'm met with a certain Harry Jenkins kneeling before me, struggling to keep up with one knee, so he gives up and kneels with both his knees.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Champagne," he starts, looking up at me with admiration in his grey, magnified bald eyes, "I know we've only just known each other for a short while, -"

"Three hours." I contribute, but nobody is paying me any attention.

"- and I know this will come as a shock to you, but, Champagne," he draws a breath and fold his lips, tilting his head to the side to hold in his cry, then he turns back to me, "I want to drink you every day, morning, afternoon and night for the rest of our miserable lives, till death separates us."

He tries reaching out for my hand but I pull back, making him sigh, "Champagne Gayle, soon to be Jenkins," he laughs for a few long seconds, "will you marry me and make babies with me?"

Okay, he didn't even get my surname right. But this is more than a surprise, it's a shock and I am about to throw up all over the floor.

"Tada!" he sings, "please say yes my sweet Frito lay."

I take a slow step back, my heart speeds from all the embarrassing attention I'm getting right now. I'm about to let go of the bile that has risen from my throat when a delicate hand pulls me out of the place, it all happened too fast.

But I hear Paris' voice beside me before we exit the place, "the answer is no!"

Once again, Paris and I are seated in a car, while she laughs like a maniac, "girl, seriously, you're who I never wanna be when I grow up!"

I eye her beside me, "get over yourself."

"God bless karma bitch!" she salutes, followed by a whoop whoop, and I'm wondering if her milk shakes were laced with alcohol or drugs. But then, I remember this is Paris and I'm no longer surprised.

I shake my head with a scowl on my face, "I really should have stayed with Ajmal tonight." I whisper to myself.

"Wait, what?" she holds both my shoulders, "who that?" realisation then dawns on her as she screams, "sexy man next door?!"

I shift in my seat, scrunching up my face and getting free from her sudden grasp, "he saw me sitting on the porch and thought you locked me out," she chuckles, "then he wanted to keep me company and I declined because I am such an idiot for thinking this date was worth it."

Paris straight up removes her wig with an owl look on her face, then she releases her bun and allows her straight raven hair cascade down her shoulders.

Narrowing her eyes, she shakes her head and relaxes on the seat while massaging her temples, "you are, by far, the stupidest girl in the history of woman making and that doesn't even cut it."

I sigh dejectedly, "I know."

"Well, the universe agrees too because that ridiculously sappy proposal, from that ridiculously miserable bread is your punishment," she puffs out a breath, "he's probably peeing his pants right now, in that soaked adult diaper he wears."

I let out a whiny cry, "I know, oh my God. What do I do?" then I run my hands down my face.

"You're going over to his place tomorrow with apology cupcakes, simple. Maybe some flowers too, and chocolate." she suggests, "don't forget to carry your vagina along."

I shove her on the shoulder with my fist, "I'm not doing that."

But I ended up doing that.

•••

Another super turbo fast update! Thanks to everyone for the love so far.

A special thank you to @SnareTerror for her comments. I'm so happy!