From Me To You

Chapter 50 - James

"That's what everyone says, you know? You're in love with me," I stand up to meet his gaze.

"And what if they're right?" he crosses his arms.

"Well, that's not a good enough reason to attack my boyfriend, and certainly not a good thing to hide from me," I tell him.

"What makes you think I was hiding it?" James steps forward.

"Let's get something straight, James. I never asked you to leave your wife."

"What does my wife have anything to do with this? You think too highly of yourself if you think I left her for you, a girl who is taken and doesn't even feel the way I do for her back."

"This can't be happening," I begin to laugh and step back. "So you're in love with me?"

"What happens if I say yes?"

"Oh, cut the crap. Don't circle around the question, James."

I see him bite his lower lip before answering me.

"Yes," he says. "I love you."

"Why?" I ask. "What did I do-"

"You don't really have to do anything to make someone fall in love with you. It just happens-"

"I've known you over a year and you're claiming to be in love with me? Since when?" I ask.

"I have no idea," he shrugs.

"Fantastic," I push my hair back. "This is just what I need."

"Is this what you came for?" James raises his voice a bit.

"I came to say goodbye," I state. "I'm leaving Spain. I'm going back home to New York."

James looks taken aback and I look at him quizzically.

"What about Barcelona?"

"I quit," I tell him. "I got a job at Cosmopolitan. I'm a journalist now."

"Always leaving the ones who love you," he says.

"Don't you dare try to teach me a lesson about abandonment, James," I raise my voice. "You're just doing this because you know I'm leaving for good this time and you won't have me."

"You left him, didn't you?" James asks.

I know he knows the answer so I dismiss the question.

"Son of a bitch," I bite.

First I was in denial about my feelings for him; how much I loved him. Then, after battling with myself for the longest time, when I came to terms with the love I had for him, I managed to get myself into an even emptier feeling. Loving and not being loved back. I was wary of ever falling for everyone after my horrible past experiences with this thing called love, spending years befriending that void that I came to call loneliness. Then, meeting him, falling for him- not being able to have him just about ruined everything.

"Why did you leave?" James asks. "Why did you leave Madrid?"

"I couldn't stand this!" I yell.

"What? What is this?" James yells louder.

"Standing next to you without being allowed to hold you," I mutter. "I left Madrid because of you. Because I was longing for you and I knew there was never a possibility because you were happily married a-and now you drop this on me! You're in love with me? I left and I started a new life in Barcelona, a happy one, one without the misery of being so close to you and knowing nothing will ever happen. Now that everything was going great-"

"Don't do this to me," he begins to choke as he runs his fingers through his hair and sits down. "So what happened? Those feelings are gone? They can't be if you came all this way-"

"I'm done with this. I have to be at the airport. I'm leaving now."

"Don't go," James urges me.

"No," I tell him. "I'm going back home to New York. I got the transfer there, James."

"You can't leave," he whispers. "Not after all this. Tell me you're not going."

"You're better off without me."

"No! No I'm not! That's where you're wrong, Kat! I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you!"

I wipe the tear running down my cheek. I say nothing and head towards the door.

"Katalina, please," he mumbles.

"Nothing's going to change if I stay," I turn around. "We'll be in limbo, yearning for one another because it's not really love is it?"

"How can you say that?" he asks. "Tell me right now, you were never in love with me."

"I'm not gonna play this game," I let out a laugh. "I'm wasting your time. A person like you can never be truly happy with a person like-"

"Stop that," James orders me. "Katalina, I am forever changed by you, and I knew since the moment I laid my eyes on you that you were going to change my life, and for the better it turned out. Don't leave Madrid. Don't leave Spain, just stay here with me. I'm begging you to not walk out on me."

I bite down hard, feeling my jaw tense up as I look away from him.

"It was hell," I begin. "Not being able to be with you. Something's bound to go wrong because this, right here, is just too easy."

James steps forward and takes my left hand in his. He pulls me toward him.

"It isn't easy," James tells me and I look away from him. "We're both about ready to burst, Kat."

I decide not to wipe the tear rolling down the side of my face.

"Katalina," James whispers. "I love you."

I shut my eyes and feel my knees go weak, James embraces me and I let out a gasp in his chest. I breathe in and out for a bit as he still has his arms wrapped around me, but I knew that I had to go. I push James off of me and shake my head again.

"My flight leaves in three hours," I simply state. "I don't know if I can say I love you back. I'm not going to stay, James. It's over."

I step forward to him one last time and leave a kiss on his cheek, but linger. I feel his hands on my jaw as he wants to pull me into a kiss. Finally getting to kiss him would have been surreal, but I never imagined I'd have to taste my tears along with it so I pushed him off.

I meet his eyes and swallow my sadness.

"This is too difficult," I tell him. "It'll never work."

"Love isn't meant to be easy, Katalina," he speaks. "Don't run away from this because you're full of fear."

I step backwards towards the door before grabbing my things and turning the knob.

"Bye, James," I say before stepping out the door.

I walk as fast as I can to the elevator knowing that he won't hesitate to come running after me. I just can't have that. I make it out of the building and the cab I called for as I made my way here was waiting for me outside like I had hoped. After stuffing my suitcase in the backseat with me. I tell the driver to head to the airport.

The engine roars a bit as I look out the rear window and spot the smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe in the cool January air. I see the main door to the building swing inwards and I know that it's James, so I turn.

I turn towards the front as the driver steps on the gas pedal and drives off to the airport. Neymar running through my mind, I won't be over him for the longest time.