When I Look at You (a Dragon Age fanfiction)

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With the spell of the song broken, everyone began to turn in. They had outfitted themselves a bit at the little town at the edge of Lake Calenhad, so now there were tents for everyone. Una got up, her muscles aching, to begin her turn on watch. Then she jumped as a warm hand closed on her arm out of the darkness.

"Sorry," Alistair said. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay. I just can't believe I actually let you sneak up on me."

He looked thoughtful. "I don't know if that says more about how tired you are or how great my sneaking skills have become." Quirking an eyebrow, he grinned at her.

"Oh, definitely the first one," she said, but her eyes twinkled.

Alistair sighed in relief. It had worried him earlier when he couldn't get a smile out of her. "I wanted to tell you not to worry about your watch tonight. I'll take it for you."

"You don't have to do that. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You're exhausted and you need rest. Also, I want to."

"Really?"

"It's the least I can do. You fought your way through countless demons to get us all out of the Fade, and you did it all by yourself. Without you ... we'd all still be there, our life's essence slowly being drained from us. Like Niall." They both shuddered, thinking of the young apprentice whose life had been siphoned off of him to support the Sloth demon's realm. "I already owe you so much," Alistair said. "For being willing to take the lead, for pulling me out of the darkness after Ostagar, now for having the courage and determination to fight for all of us. You— I mean, I ... You deserve a break," he finished, cursing himself for a coward. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but what if she didn't feel the same way? What if he made a complete fool of himself and things got all awkward and he couldn't talk to her any more?

"Thank you, Alistair," she said gratefully. This time he got the smile he'd been looking for. It wasn't the smile, the one that lit her whole face, but it was a start. He watched her as she ducked into her tent. Grenli moved in front of the flap, as usual, and lay down, watching the door. It was a sad and sorry thing to be jealous of a dog, Alistair reflected as he began his rounds.

But Una couldn't sleep. She lay staring into the dark, her mind racing. Finally she gave up. Sitting up, she lit a candle and dug a sheet of vellum from her pack.

Dear Mother and Father,

Words cannot begin to express the events of the last few days. We saved the Circle of Magi, which had been overrun by abominations. In the midst of it, we were enchanted by a Sloth demon and locked away in the Fade. Somehow I was the only one with the presence of mind to be aware of my surroundings, and I had to fight my way through so many different monsters and puzzles, shape-changing into various things along the way, in order to save my companions. I've never been so completely alone in my life. I am proud of how I did, but it was so hard. And I'm angry with the others for not being able to help me. And I feel horribly guilty because I am trying to keep you with me. Are you trapped in the Fade? Are these letters causing you to be tortured in some kind of demon realm because I can't let you go? I don't want that, much as I continue to love and miss you and depend on your counsel.

Then, talking with Alistair tonight, I found out that Grey Wardens only live for thirty years after the Joining. It seems so short. But fifty years of life is about what you had. I'm sure you feel it was too short. Would you have liked to have known at my age that thirty more years would be all you had ahead of you? Would you have done anything differently? I know that thirty years can be a long time. I also know that I could fall in battle tomorrow. But I still feel that I am struggling with this. I liked thinking that the years stretched out before me in all their glory. And they still do ... just not as limitlessly as I had thought.