When I Look at You (a Dragon Age fanfiction)

Tenting

Back at their camp outside the city, with dinner finished, Una sought out Leliana. She wondered if Alistair would try to make a move tonight. Her heart gave a little leap in her chest when she remembered his eyes, soft and warm on hers, when he told her he loved her. Loved her! Oh, it didn't seem real—not yet.

Leliana was sitting on a tree stump a little way from the camp, staring off into space. She didn't turn when Una came up behind her. "My friend?" Una asked.

The bard started. "I'm sorry," she said. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"No. I just wanted to tell you that I was here in case you wanted to talk."

"Ah. I see. Actually, yes," Leliana said. She bit her lip. "I'm just thinking about how I felt when I saw Marjolaine dead there in that little room. I— I liked it. I was glad."

"Of course you were. You're only human."

"But if I feel the way she would have felt, I become her. I see it happening. The things she did, the life she led ... they made her what she was. Holy Maker," Leliana whispered in fervent prayer. "I don't want to be like her."

Una put her hand on her friend's shoulder, looking into her face. "You are not like her."

"We kill people all the time. And ... and I enjoy it. The battles."

"Leliana." Una waited until the other woman's eyes focused on her face. "My father used to say this to me all the time: Evil doesn't worry about whether it's being good."

The bard looked at Una thoughtfully. "I hadn't thought of it that way before." She got up from the tree stump, giving Una an impulsive hug. "Thank you, my friend, for showing me a new way to look at things."

"You are very welcome," said Una, hugging back.

They walked back to camp together. Una had switched the shifts around, so Leliana had first watch. Morrigan was murmuring over her grimoire again, Wynne and Zevran seemed to be in bed, and Grenli was waiting by Una's tent flap, looking expectant. She didn't see Alistair anywhere. With a disappointed sigh she ducked into her tent ... only to find him already there. Her lantern was lit, and he had apparently brought his as well, so the tent was brighter than usual. He was bending over, arranging her bedroll.

Una cleared her throat, and Alistair stood up hastily. "Ah, um, hello," he said.

"Are you lost?" she asked, trying to cover the hammering of her heart in her throat. Just in case he wasn't there for the reason she desperately wanted him to be there for.

"Um, I really don't know how to ask you this," he said, looking uncomfortable. Una raised an eyebrow at him. He went on, his arms flailing in the air as he reached for the words. "Oh, you'd think this would be easier to say ... but every time I'm around you I feel like my head's going to explode, and I can't think straight!"

She started to smile, taking a step inside the tent. Behind her, she heard Grenli whumpf to the ground in front of the tent flaps with a funny little growl that might have been a giggle. "I feel the same way," she offered.

Alistair grinned at her, clearly recovering his equilibrium. "I hope you mean the head exploding thing in a good way," he said. He paused while Una tied the tent flap closed behind her. Both of them knew now where this was leading ... but he needed to say the words. And she found she needed to hear them. So she stood, watching, waiting for him to go on. "Here's the thing," he said. "Being near you makes me crazy." A shaft of fire went through her at the rasp of his voice over the last word. She drew in a deep breath and licked her lips. Desperately, Alistair looked away before he forgot his carefully rehearsed speech. "But I don't want to be without you. Not ... ever. I don't know how to say this another way." Now he looked back at her, to make sure her reaction was the one he hoped for. "I want to spend the night with you. Here. In your tent. It may be too soon, but I know what I feel."