When I Look at You (a Dragon Age fanfiction)

Vengeance

That night they sat around the campfire after dinner. Una and Alistair were polishing her new armor, while the others all attended to various other tasks of reoutfitting and refurbishing.

"So we are going back to Denerim next, yes?" Leliana asked.

Una nodded, scrubbing at a piece of black gunk caked on the breastplate.

"Where they will call the Landsmeet?"

When it appeared Una wasn't going to answer, Alistair said, "Arl Eamon should already be in Denerim awaiting our arrival. Once we get there, he'll call the Landsmeet, and we will face down Loghain."

"What do you intend to do with the queen, when you wrest the throne from her hands?" Morrigan inquired.

"I don't intend to do anything with her! As far as I'm concerned, she can go home to Gwaren, safe and sound," Alistair protested. Both Wynne and Una gave him sharp looks, although they didn't say anything. Zevran chuckled. "What?" Alistair snapped.

"Your naivete is charming, if impractical." At Alistair's frown, the elf continued, "Queen Anora, by all accounts, is extremely competent at her job. As well as extremely delectable." He winked at Leliana, who shook her head with a fond smile. "She will not take kindly to being exiled to the back of nowhere, royal blood or not."

"And Teyrn Loghain will not be as easily vanquished as you seem to think," Wynne added.

Una kept scrubbing, putting all her force into it, trying to ignore the conversation.

Alistair said grimly, "I don't care how much it takes to take care of Loghain. He will pay for what he did at Ostagar."

"Scrub any harder, the enamel's gonna come off," Oghren said to Una, taking the breastplate out of her hands. "What's on yer mind, girlie?"

"Nothing."

The dwarf spat on the ground. "Try it on the kid, he might believe it. Me, I been married. I know what 'nothing' means." He waited, his brown eyes surprisingly kind as he held his gaze steady on hers.

It was obvious he had no intention of taking her 'nothing' as an answer. Una sighed. "Rendon Howe is in Denerim. It was Howe's men who attacked my family's castle, and since he had been there only that day, I have to assume he was part of the attack as well. I went to Denerim once without confronting him, but this time ..."

"Yer family's blood cries out for vengeance." Oghren nodded. "Sure it does."

"But is there really time for my personal sorrow in the midst of the Blight and the civil war?" Una kept her eyes on Oghren, despite knowing that everyone else was listening, as well. Right now she didn't feel like a leader. She felt like the little girl Duncan had dragged out of Highever Castle, promising her dying father that he would be avenged. Abruptly she stood up. "I'm sorry, I can't talk any more tonight. If you'll all excuse me." She bit back the tears until she was in the safety of her tent, hoping that Alistair would understand and wouldn't join her quite yet. Once she had tied the flap closed behind her, she fell to her knees on the bedroll, muffling her sobs with her fist.

When the storm of weeping had passed and, thankfully, Alistair was still outside talking quietly with the others, Una wiped her eyes with one of his handkerchiefs and dug a sheet of vellum out of her pack.

Dear Mother and Father,

I am in need of your guidance again. Every time I think I can be the leader all of these people look to, something happens to make me lose confidence in myself and wonder if I am truly qualified to be the head of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden. I know I had no choice in the matter, but still ... I struggle with the question of whether I am mature enough to have an entire country's (all of Thedas's, really) future on my shoulders.