Paint You Wings // Ashton Irwin [au]

Thirty-nine

Emilia's POV

Back when I was driving Ash and me back to his house after going to the cemetery at an ungodly hour, all I could think about at the time was how lucky I am to have him in my life. When I woke up to the sound of laughter and Julia's voice that night, Ash wasn't in his bed with me. I wasn't surprised that I didn't notice he was gone since I'm a bit of a heavy sleeper, but he's my personal heater and after being in the chilly air for so long, taking with the police, I needed his warmth. I liked it.

I went downstairs to see what all the commotion was about and even though I was still extremely tired and could barely keep my eyes open, I quietly went down the stairs, holding onto the guardrail for dear life until making it to the last few steps where I sat down and listened to my friends converse with one another.

I liked hearing Julia talk with them so casually. She had become just as close to them as me. I especially liked how she got together with Calum. They fit each other so well, it's cute. As I sat there listening, Julia was confused when Ash said that he told me something but she had no idea what he was talking about. I assumed it was him telling me he loved me and my prediction was correct when Calum explained to Julia that it was. Boy was she excited.

I continued to listen and when Ash was asked if I had said anything back and he told them no, I couldn't stop myself from feeling so guilty for being the cause of his solemn tone. He doesn't deserve to have to wait for me to reciprocate. He's waited for so long and even Michael noticed that. But it's as if Ashton wants to wait and I appreciate the hell out of that because I'm so confused when it comes to emotionality.

The last time I was confused about how I felt towards Ash, I went to see my parents and without a second thought, I made the decision to see them again and to have Ash meet them as well. So I did. Even though it was early in the morning (like 'why-the-fuck-am-I-awake-at-this-hour-I-should-be-sleeping' early), he still complied and took me to where I requested without question.

When I listened to him talk to my mom and dad, he spoke to them as if they were there sitting with us under the leafless tree. He was so sincere and kind to them. He spoke so positively about me and occasionally put himself down a bit, but I helped cheer him up. I swear I felt my parents there with us that night, listening intently and soaking in every word Ash said. And when he told them that he was in love with me and that he hopes that I'll feel the same way in the future, I knew that I would.

I don't know what it's like to be in love. It's not something that you can learn out of a book or find the answers to online. It's something you experience through time and like always, I need time. But I will say it to him one day—I'm sure of it because I know that I love him. I think I've always felt love towards him, but whether or not I'm in love with him, I'm still trying to figure that out.

Now that it's Wednesday and all afternoon classes are canceled because of Thanksgiving holiday starting tomorrow, Ashton and I are impatiently waiting for our communications class to end. It sucks that we still have to go to our morning class, especially since I really didn't want Ashton to be here since his cheek and lip are still bruised, but it's fading slowly. For the past three days, he insisted on going to school and I couldn't really stop him so he got a good amount of stares and questionable looks from the other students and professors. On the plus side, his wrist is starting to feel better. He doesn't have full range of motion just yet, but he can at least hold a pen and my hand again.

Ashton and I dash out of Professor Ross' class after he wished us a happy holiday, and we practically run to his car. We didn't get to go grocery shopping on Monday like I had planned due to the events of this past weekend. Ash and I slept in most of Sunday after we got home from Glendale and on Monday, all the boys started cleaning up the aftermath of Jared's intrusion and Ashton was happy to get a new door that day. We weren't able to go yesterday either because I had work and another study session with Luke. So now that it's the day before Thanksgiving, we're taking the risk of going to a grocery store that is most likely going to be packed with late shoppers like us.