I Wish You Would // Instagram // Haylor

Goodbye

Let's get back to the beginning for a moment. When I think of the first day, I always get chills. It's really weird remembering now. I found it very impressive how all those years ago, when I met him, I didn't know that he was going to be my forever and always.

Remembering how I was talking to my friends, I passed near him but I didn't notice him until I heard him laughed. That sound made every single part of my body trembled. I stopped but I didn't turn around, I was too afraid of who I was going to find, who was the owner of that beautiful sound. Although I didn't turn my head, my eyes seemed to want to have a good view of the guy and it was like faith. He turned around, where I was, and he smiled at waitress, when she gave him his drink, and I could see those perfect dimples on his cheeks and I almost dropped my beverage.

"Thank you" he said and I became still, that British accent.

Three minutes took me to realize that whoever that boy was, he was going to be my living heaven and hell. Three hours later some friend introduced us, three days later I was completely mesmerized by him and three years later our love was found dead in battle.

Too much pain. Too much battles. Too much war. Too much love.

What is really worth in life are those things which you have to fight for so badly, so intensely. But what do you do when life keeps taking those things away every time?

I try so hard to imagine a life without him but the thought kills me, I try so hard to imagine what would be like for our love to be accepted once upon a time when we were young but then I stop. Our love is so strong and endless because of those difficult times we had to go through because even with the whole world trying to beat us down, our hearts stayed together. Even with all the pain and cries and all the bad, we decided to stay and fight back.

I grabbed my bag out of the closet and sighed remembering how many nights I spent missing him and crying for him. "Mom, dad and the guys are waiting in the cars" Elle said near me. I tried to smile at my daughter, I tried so hard to tell her that everything will be alright but I just couldn't. I remember the pain when my grandma died and I remember the emptiness I felt when my own dad died. How I can say that everything will be alright to her?

"Mommy" I heard, a sob, the kind of sob that has the power to break my heart. I felt my littlest girl's arms around me. I returned the hug and I kissed her hair. How I can say that everything is fine when we all know it's not?

The three of us walk side by side outside our home in Los Angeles, I spotted the black cars in the entrance of the house. Elle ran to his dad's arms inside one of the black cars. Emma stayed with me, still sobbing. I watched my little twin walk to where we were and with all the love took his twin out of my arms. He smiled sadly at me and hugging her sister, he disappeared with her inside the black car.

I jumped in the other car, with Harry and Elle. "Ready?" Payton, our driver, asked and we just nodded. The drive was long for Elle to ran away in her sleep. Run away from the problems, for the tragedy, from the pain. I watched my daughter sleep, remembering all those times at night when she didn't let me sleep, because she had nightmares. I caressed her cheek and I started to feel the whole inside my heart again.

"I'm not sure if I can do this" I whispered very very softly, just for Harry to hear me. "We have to, our friends need us" he said firmly. I looked at him then, and I noticed how a tear was falling down his cheek while he was watching Elle. "How can we say we are sorry?" he asked me but I didn't have the answer.

I remember that day again, the day I met Harry and I wanted to cry so badly. That day I found the man I was going to marry, have kids with, the one I will love for the rest of my life. Thinking of him being hurt breaks my heart. I watched Elle sleeping peacefully, with her head in my lap and her feet in Harry's lap, she was so short that she still was able to sleep that way inside the car, and the thought of loosing her wanted me to scream so badly.

She was my baby girl, a part of me, a part of my soul, just like every one of her siblings. My talented singer Logan, my green eyed girl sleeping here with me, my little twins, they were all part of me and I would died if something bad happens to any of them.

So, how I was supposed to go and say 'I am sorry' to my best friend when those words were not even accurate? How I was supposed to say to Selena that everything will be alright when, in my heart, I knew that it'll not?

"We're here" Harry said waking me up of my thoughts. "Baby, wake up, we're here" I whispered to Ellie. She opened her green eyes and looked at me, just like the first time she did when she was a newborn. Harry went out first, followed by Elle, I took a breath before I let go of the safety of the car. At the entrance of the cemetery, my family awaited and I wanted to cry even more. Emma ran to me and hugged me hard, I kissed her hair again.

"What is the best thing to say in this moment?" Logan asked out loud. I didn't have an answer. "Sometimes the best is stayed quiet and just be there" Harry said. We, as a family, entered the place and we started to walk until we saw them, Selena, Dylan and Sophie. I heard Ellie sobbing before she ran to her best friend, I saw them hugged at the distance.

Selena's eyes locked with mine and I remember the night when she said to me "I'm pregnant again, Tay. I can't believe it! Even the doctor couldn't believe it". My eyes were full of tears, Selena's silhouette became blurry.

What can I say to a mother who have just lost her son?

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Hey guys! I am so sorry, I literally left wattpad for the past months.

This chapter is about mostly Cameron Boyce, who was the actor I chose to be Selena's youngest son in this story. It's so sad to think about his dead and I really want to do something about it.

I'm gonna update one more time this story and then that'll be it.

Thanks for the 43k!! You're amazing!

-Alex

PD: CAN SOMEONE FELT THAT DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS AND AFTERGLOW ARE ABOUT HARRY? Have you heard Lover?