Vague Existence

Chapter 39: Gulf

After 3 years, Present

I feel uncomftable with my necktie, staying in the countryside close to the sea had me wearing button down shirts and loose shorts all the fucking time. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I look like a surfer boy. My skin that used to be pale now tan. My hair which used to be jet black now looks like it had been fried by the sun. I gained some muscles too. I guess owning and working at a mechanical shop didn't give me a choice but to be buff so I can carry all heavy equipments. I fix things now, from boats to yachts to cars to motorbikes. Owning the shop at the richest neighborhood in the outskirts of the city gave me the leverage to run my place successfully. Life there is laidback, simple and quiet. It helped me calm the chaos in my heart.

"Son? Are you ready?" That's my mom. We're now good. I contacted her after two years of hiatus and forgave her for just living her life. I know I should have done that long ago, better late than never. It seems that my heart can only hate one person at a time. Right now another person holds that title.

"Is it really necessary to wear a coat and tie?"

"Haha! Of course not, you can wear whatever you want. I'm just thankful you're back."

"Don't get used to it mom. This is temporary." She looked at me. Now when she looks at me this way, I know that it's not pity she feels but love for her only son.

"You know you're always welcome here right? You can go back whenever and you can use anything here at your disposal. I and your uncle are always here for you."

"Let's not go that far, I and uncle have a long way to go." I smiled, I really didn't want her to be upset today.

"Before we go, I'd like to give you something." She put something in my palm. I looked at it. It looks like a wedding band. I checked it closer. The engraving inside says, I only live......

I looked at my mother, "I only live....? What does this mean mom?"

"I don't know. Your father was wearing that when he died."

"This looks like a wedding band."

"I don't have the other half son."

"Huh?"

"I'm not the one who has the other half of the ring."

"Then who?"

"I don't know." I looked at her. She looked away.

"Mom? Are you hiding something from me?" I swear to God I have phobias with secrets. I always am the last to know.

She looks at me, "No, I don't have any secrets, but I'm afraid this investigation might open up the past and old wounds. I just want you to be ready."

I smiled. "Don't worry mom, I can always run away if I can't take it."

"That's what I am afraid of."

"Stop it mom, I just came back. Let's see where this is going first before we jump to conclusions."

She smiled. "Okay. I'll wait for you at the lobby. Change first, you don't look like my son in coat and tie."

She went ahead and I changed my clothes to green and white button down shirt with coconut trees in it, distressed jeans and my chucks. I looked at my father's ring on the countertop and decided to wear it too just because today is his day and I need this ring to be closer to him.

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My mom and I are on our way to the district office to reopen my father's cold case. I really don't know the legalities and my mother only told me that there is a breakthrough. It gave me so much hope, whatever it is, I am willing to pursue it.

The district office is on the other side of the city, we had to be driven there by Jag's father so we can arrive on time.

"How are you uncle?"

"I am good, boy. How's Jag doing in the country?"

I smiled. I recruited Jag a year after I escaped this place to help me with the shop. Now we both run the place. "He's good charming all the ladies there."

"Oh you mean those that you turned down, right?"

"Haha! How come you know so well? I'm going to kill your son when I get back."

"Be easy on him."

We arrived at the city hall. It looks busy and probably normal for a day like today. The ground floor has the police station on the left and another complaints section on the right.

"Son, it's on the second floor. I just need to go to the powder room for a bit. Can you wait for me here?"

"Go ahead mom, I'll sit in the waiting area."

While waiting, I browsed through some magazines and newspapers, when I froze all of a sudden. My heart beat faster. I feel the pain, the anger, the frustration, all the feelings I thought that I have buried for three fucking years. Jo Malone. I smell him.

Clutching the newspaper I looked at the shoes in front of me. Black polished leather. Going up to his pants. Black crisp slacks. I saw veiny hands with a thumb ring holding a black attache case. I closed my eyes, trying to erase old memories which fucking wants to come out now. I need them buried, untouched. I saw his buttoned shirt cuffs then buttons on his dress shirt peeping from his black suit jacket. I travelled up to his chest, he still loves to leave 3 buttons undone. His neck, still the same delicious neck I want to slit right now. I looked up his smiling face with all the control I can muster.

Mew.
You.
Ruined.
Me.
Took me three years to finally move on.
3 years to stop scheming on how I can hurt you the way you hurt me.
Then now you stand before me smiling like nothing happened.
Like I just imagined all my pain.
Like you don't even know.
I swear I'll make you remember.
I will make you pay.