Lost in London [Completed]

Seize

Kay was nearly at breaking point. Everything was exhausting and he couldn't see a way out. He'd been home for eight months, and things had gone back to normal. Which was what he had wanted, right? So why was he so frustrated?

Maybe it was the constant restrictions on where he could go, and when. And why. He was so close to snapping, and only able to hold it together for London. London had put his own life aside for months to help Kay get back to this position, and Kay should be grateful for that. He was. But he needed to show it, running back after just a few months wouldn't send that message.

New Years Day. The last straw.

Kay was trying – he was. No matter what his father thought. What his family thought. He was trying, and he wanted to think that he was doing well.

But how are you supposed to react when a kid touches your arm, asks you what 'faggot' means, and tells you that her daddy says that 'it's naughty to get tattoos'? In the middle of a family gathering? And having to brush it off with a laugh – continue eating? Kay was doing well, but not that well.

In another universe, maybe he wouldn't have gotten up and stormed out of the room, proclaiming that he was done. Wouldn't have ignored his parents' disapproving looks. Wouldn't have slammed the door on the way through the house, and certainly wouldn't have locked himself in his room, alone, for three days.

Kay knew he was overreacting – it weighed on him the entire time, but he also didn't know how to face any of this. Things were supposed to go back to normal. Not get worse. Then again, his normal had never been ideal.

His best just wasn't good enough right now. No amount of fancy dinners and art gallery viewings he attended made up for that. Nothing he did was enough and he was exhausted from the sheer effort of playing nice. If his best wasn't enough, then what was the point?

Kay was giving up. Giving up his life here. He couldn't say that he hadn't tried – nobody could.

Kay was sitting on the floor under the windowsill, relieved at the fresh air. It was a small respite from the stuffy bedroom. A respite from the regular, ignored, knocks coinciding with every meal. He tilted his head back against the wall, taking deep breaths as he tried to decide on a next move. Sure, he was hungry, but that was solvable. It might be time to concede, Kay thought, though it was grudging at best.

He tried to push himself to his feet, sucking in a breath as he fell back on his left wrist. Kay was up on his feet at the second attempt, easily able to brush off the wave of dizziness before it truly overwhelmed him.

The moment he'd gotten into the bedroom, all t-shirts had been tossed from the dresser, in favour of long sleeved shirts. Even seeing them lying in a pile near the bed was enough to give Kay pause. How was he supposed to stay here – and sane – if shit like this kept happening?

He rummaged in the bottom of the closet, finally bringing out the rucksack he'd brought from London's. Rather than thinking straight, he balled up two sets of clothes and his phone charger before stuffing them into the rucksack and zipping it halfway. Before unlocking the bedroom door, he also shoved in his passport and bank cards. Maybe he wasn't coming back. Or maybe he was. Not that it mattered to him, or anyone here.

Kay was quick down the hall, managing to avoid everyone else in the house. Staff would be on their break about now. That was a relief. He passed through the kitchen, grabbing two apples and a kiwi on his way through, before ploughing straight into his younger sister, who was staring at her phone instead of looking where she was going.