𝗗𝗢𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗠𝗘 | 𝘼. 𝙃𝙊𝙏𝘾𝙃𝙉𝙀𝙍

six

'Spencer? What are you doing here it's- what time is it? One o'clock in the morning,' you told him, but he wasn't having any of it.

'I couldn't sleep, I thought I'd come and read next to you. I just didn't want to be alone,' he implored.

'Sit,' you said, patting the chair where Hotch was. You tried to rearrange your pillows to sit upright but Spencer dropped his book on the table and scuttled over whispering, 'I'll do it,' and made sure your back was comfortable. Reid sat back into the chair and you rested your hand on his own- he clutched it dearly.

'Hey,' you ran your thumb over his hand, 'You want to talk?'

He began stuttering, trying to find the words. His mom? Him? Me? Overwhelmed by the thoughts, Spencer started talking, 'I thought...I thought I was going to lose you,' he stumbled over his words like an uneven pathway. Spencer Reid, 7 PhDs, was trembling in fear from the day's events.

'Oh, Spence...' you sorrowed with him.

'Promise me, you won't do anything like that again, Beck?' he looked at you, full of raw emotion that he had hidden for a while.

'For you, my darling Spencer, I promise,' you tried not to give it away you were sort of lying, sort of being honest, he spoke quickly again.

'Well, if you think I was worried, you should've seen Hotch.'

'Hotch? Worried? How worried?' you frowned.

'He was frantic, Beck. He nearly punched a wall, completely blaming himself. Morgan was the only one who could convince him not to beat down the entire hospital. He was a mess, Beck,' Spencer said with a grimace, 'You know, with the way he acted, it's almost as if he loves you.'

'You think so?' you questioned his judgement.

'I'm pretty certain, it's not often I'm wrong you know.'

'I know, genius,' you laughed, 'I know.'

'I'm getting married next month,' Spencer fiddled with his promise ring. He realised you knew, after all, it was you who originally splurged to JJ that he liked her.

'I know and I wouldn't miss it for the world, Spence, you know that.'

'I do,' he grinned.

JJ had one had covering your face and the other on your back, guiding you- Garcia was doing the same. Leading you up to your apartment after being released from the hospital was insisted on, but you couldn't think why. Both women were smirking, you heard the familiar creak of your door open- they uncovered your eyes to see the whole team side by side to a large ice cream cake and a bottle of champagne.

Sadly, you couldn't drink due to the medication, but it was the gesture that counted. They all welcomed you with open arms and how glad they were to have you back in the field the following Monday. You greeted and hugged everyone, thanking them all for being so incredible as they always were. Feeling useless, especially with everyone doing things for you, you took some trays into your kitchen where JJ was.

'You didn't have to you know, god I appreciate you all so much. I probably don't say that enough,' you praised.

'Anything for you, we were all horrified when we heard, but I think you should know, it wasn't mine nor Garcia's idea,' the blonde amused herself.

'So, who..?' you trailed off as you saw Hotch through the doorway; he took a double glance from talking to Reid and smiled at you, looking nervously away.

               Once all the team had left after offering to clean up but being refused the opportunity, it was just Hotch and yourself sat in the living room. He was looking at you.

'You okay?' he queried.

'Hm? Oh, yes. I'm okay. I bet Jack misses you, you should really head home, Hotch.'

'He's with his grandma, I told her what was happening, and she took him for a while because I don't think you should be alone, just until you are 100% fine,' he proclaimed.

'Hotch. I'm not going to make you do that, you deserve to go home and properly rest.'

'You don't have to, and it wasn't a suggestion. I'm staying,' and it was done. Hotch set up on the couch and had already brought his overnight bag even before he demanded to stay; you got ready for bed and quickly fell asleep, both of you did. However, once asleep, your subconscious mind began to wander; you saw that man, sat in the off-white truck with that smile plastered on his face. You saw Hotch, Reid, JJ all being pulled away from you. Completely helpless was the only way to describe what you were, and he began talking to you...

[ 'You thought you'd be able to make a new family and forget what I did? You'll never forget. I took away your first family- what makes you think you're safe now? Big boss Aaron Hotchner won't always protect you' You're wrong, you fought back, 'Or what about pathetic Spencer Reid and his little wife to be Jennifer Jareau? They all hate you; you know, they don't love you. And Aaron? He'll never feel the way you feel about him' Stop it. 'They're all just waiting for you to die' Leave me alone. 'They wished it had worked the third time' Stop it. Get out...]

'Leave me alone. Get away from me. Stop, stop it, stop please. I don't want to die, please!'

'Beck! Beck, it's me, Hotch. You're alright, you're fine. You're safe with me. I'm here...' and you were out of the trance- it was paralytic. Hotch was holding you tightly, you must've been fighting him- not Hotch, but that monster. He would've heard you crying out. God, you felt so ashamed he saw you like this.

'I'm sorry. I should've told you,' you avoided him.

'I knew,' he softly spoke, 'That night at the hospital, you were crying and talking, almost as if you were being visibly hurt. I didn't know what to do so I stayed- and you stopped. I was there for you then and I am now,' he comforted.

'I'll let you get back to sleep now,' you said as he began leaving you, sat cross-legged on the bed.

'No. Stay in here. Stay with me, please,' you urged and ran a circle with your hand on the duvet.

'Are you sure?' he inquired.

'100%,' you said with a small grin at the corner of your mouth. He left the room and turned the lights off, grabbing his pillow and appearing again, he let some of the hot air out and replaced it with his own body heat. Was he nervous? The light went out and being bluntly honest, this was the safest you'd felt in years.

Later in the night, before your mind got the chance to wander again, you briefly opened your eyes just to scan the room, it was like an automatic routine, but something interrupted it. Hotch could've felt your uneasiness and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you in closer to him; his breath on your neck sending shivers down your spine and blood rushing towards a very loud heartbeat.

Did he know he was doing this? your mind asked, but you assumed not. Somehow, his sleeping conscience found your other hand and embraced it, oh god the thoughts and feelings you had in this moment could make you explode. The worst part about it though, was the fact you would get up in the morning and never speak a word of it, or how he made you feel.