Begonias

Chapter Four|First Bloom

Dream sat at his desk just breathing for a while, trying to calm his shaking as George and Sapnap talked, Sapnap getting a bit worried about Dream. Mostly worried that he was upset at George, that they might be on each other's bad sides.

TW, Panic Aatack

When dream heard George say that Dream was being a drama queen, saying it wasn't a big deal, it made his heart rate pick up again. His hair was already damp from sweat, his hands were shaky, and his feet were tingling. Dream tried to stand up, ending up leaning on his desk for support as everything around him seemed to focus on one spot, making him look around his room, not able to rely on peripheral vision.

He needed out. He needed to get away from the stream, from thousands of people watching and judging and waiting as he tried so hard to please but it was never enough.

He took off his headphones and threw them on the floor, his hands shaking as he missed the end stream button at least three times before he finally turned off his own stream.

He was shaking and his heart was beating way to fast, someone's hand is around his throat- he couldn't breathe-

Everything was too much, he collapsed onto his bed and the sheets were too rough, the headboard too hard as he curled up and cried, doubled over as his shoulders shook and trembling, pricking hands pulled at his own hair just for the sake of the sensation.

He felt like he was going to throw up, he was going to die, his heart was beating too fast, his vision was fading out, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't do anything and he was going to die.

His breath was caught on his ugly sobs as he stared at nothing and everything and it was too bright, too warm, the world was at its end and he was going to die like this.

He sobbed for what felt like forever, ugly, wretched sounds coming out of his throat and tearing through his well being like it didn't belong.

TW over

---

It had been a while since dream ended his stream. All the people who were watching his stream flooded into George's, freaking out and worried about a loud bang that they heard before the stream ended suddenly, without a single warning.

George had put his stream on a break as he called Sapnap, worried and confused, only for them both to have a conversation centering around how this had happened before, about two weeks ago, and the viewers might just have to get used to it. It was probably nothing to worry about was another thing Sapnap said, and yet he couldn't stop worrying, nothing but Dream plaguing his mind as he resumed the stream and got off their Minecraft world, playing bed wars with Sapnap for awhile.

And then the time came around to end the stream, and all he could think about was how he was going to apologise to Dream, how he was going to make him feel better, where was he, what was he doing, if he did apologise would he even see it?

And so he hid it under a guise of confidence, a shield he recently learned to put up, somthing he picked up unconsciously from Dream and his effort to be someone better than himself on stream.

"You know, stream.."

---

"I'm really contemplating saying it right now."

Dream had finally gotten back to normal, his hair dripping and his body aching from his prolonged shaking. When he finally got up to put on his headset and apologize to his veiwers on Twitter, this was the first thing he heard.

Dreams eyes widened, and he held his breath, leaning over and gazing at George's avatar. His face cam was off.

"This feels so wrong," George says and repeats. Dream clicks off the stream, the sounds of labored breathing filling the room as he tried to stem the panic he was feeling. He couldn't go through another one today, so close together.

And so he promptly typed in his apology and goodnight tweet, shutting down his computer and dragging his lead-like body over to his bed, collapsing onto it and staring at nothing, mind running wild for at least an hour before he finally shut down for the night, sleep taking him with open arms.

---

When he opened his eyes, they were still red and raw from crying. Dream rubbed the sleep from them gently, not wanting to bother them anymore. His throat was sore as he yawned, stretching his arms above his head.

He survived another day, and his body was complaining as loudly as possible. Dream had just barely dragged himself away from the edge of oblivion. Away from a pit of heartache he would never return from.

After a particularly deep breath, he felt a tingling sensation at the back of his throat. He coughed loudly as he started walking to the bathroom, already expecting to cough up something nasty that he would have to spit into the sink.

TW, blood and vomiting

But instead of coughing up mucus or phlegm, his eyes widened in shock at the taste of blood in is mouth.

The urge to vomit was huge, and so he ran to the bathroom now, pulling up the lid of the toilet and vomiting, the blood that was in his mouth mixing with the acid and bile that dribbled down his face. He felt the urge to cough again, stronger this time, and then the coughing fit started, blood dripping and a bit splattering with his coughing as he  curled over the toilet, hands holding himself up as he willed his body to let him breath again. He felt like he was choking as he coughed something up, something other than blood.

TW over

The coughing fit ended as Dream closed his eyes and just tried to breath. His throat was still sore, and breathing stung, but it wasn't hard for him, which he guessed was a good sign.

He opened his eyes and looked into the red tinted and vomit cloudy water, his eyes widening at the sight on a bundle of three tiny pink petals.