Lost Without You

~3~

I woke up feeling tired and confused, unsure of where I was, not certain what had been a dream and what was reality.

Memory flashed, inviting a couple of tears in my eyes, of Vlad's whispered endearments landing on the tender skin just under my ear, making me shiver, the way he used to wake me up in the mornings. Of his arms holding me tight, pulling me closer as he told me not to worry, murmuring how much he loved me.

I pressed my face into the pillow for a few moments. Breathe. You mustn't cry. He didn't send you back here to spend the rest of your life wallowing in self-pity. You must do something... anything but cry.

Sitting up I noticed that Anne had returned at some point. She was lying on top of her bed, sleeping, still fully dressed. Her shoulder-length, wavy, naturally light brown hair, a colour she considered boring, looked like a huge, crumpled flower as it lay fanned out around her head, streaked with highlights in different shades of pink.

Looking at her I wondered what Katerina would say if I turned up in the castle with such a hairstyle. My old nurse. She, her safety, was one of the reasons I was back here.

My silent reverie was disturbed by a sudden, but expected wave of nausea that made me run for the bathroom. At least there was a proper, and warm bathroom here.

All these days, or was it weeks already, this... feeling sick but never actually throwing up... I mused as I brushed my teeth, then collected the rest of my things that were still laying around.

"Morning sickness?" Lia teased when I nearly bumped into her on my way out, her dark caramel eyes sparkling with suppressed laughter.

She was waiting for her turn, standing statue-still just behind the bathroom door. Of course she was already dressed and ready to leave, her long, perfectly straight, platinum-blonde hair restrained in a neat, high ponytail. Not a single strand out of place, just the way she always wore it. There was no place for the unpredictable in Lia's life, she had everything planned out and under control. Like her hair.

"Of course not!" I whisper-shouted, not wanting Anne to wake up and join us in this conversation.

Whether this was morning sickness or not, it was my problem and I didn't want to think about it right now. I had a year to think, worry, remember and cry. Now was not the best moment.

"Whatever you say, best friend." She emphasized the last part of her retort, reminding me that I still owed her explanations. Making me feel bad for not telling her the truth. But how could I ever tell someone like Lia about what had happened to me?

"I'll tell you, Lia. Later. I need some time." I would definitely try to postpone the moment when I would make my best friend think I've gone completely crazy, as much as I could.

"Ok. Wake her up," she said looking at Anne, still sleeping beatifically, "we need to be downstairs in twenty minutes so we have enough time for breakfast."

Once ready, the three of us descended the stairs together and, instructed by one of the waiters, left our luggage in the now empty Reception. We met the boys in the breakfast room and Anne told me and Lia that she had organized our homeward trip already. Having found out that Mark and Lucas were booked on the same flight to London like us, she decided that we would all travel together.

She obviously liked one of them, but I couldn't quite see which... Not that I cared. Anne always liked someone. It never lasted more than a few weeks, so learning the new names and faces wasn't really worth the effort.

As we were exiting the small hotel I looked back, one more time, to the empty reception desk. Alina must have finished her shift and gone home, to her family, her husband. If only I could do the same.