Lost Without You

~29~

Deciding to ignore the dishes waiting for me in the kitchen, I dragged myself towards my bedroom.

I was feeling exhausted, drained by everything that kept happening in my life, all those bizarre events, both real and dreamed-up, appearing more and more frequently. So fast that I did not have time to pause and decide what was more sensible and coherent, my dreams, or my reality?

I needed to take a shower, then bury myself in the bed, hoping that sooner or later it would all make sense.

Grabbing my pyjamas from under my pillow I proceeded into the bathroom immediately, before I could change my mind and simply curl under my warm quilt and sleep, dressed as I was.

Don't think about anything, I warned myself as I tried to ignore the endless, tangled strings of thoughts and confused images which Stoker's words wove inside my mind. I could feel them lying in wait, begging to be unravelled, but I simply couldn't think about any of it now.

I let the water, as hot as I could stand it, pour over me for a long time, wishing it would wash away my confusion and loneliness, at least momentarily. Hoping it would take away my sadness, and my insecurity about my current situation, about the decision which I was pushed to take. It didn't feel right, but I didn't know what else could I do...

Do not think if you want to sleep tonight. My subconscious hissed when my thoughts started to stroll, unsurprisingly, to Vlad. I shook my head as a subconscious, involuntary decision formed in my mind, not leaving space for argument.

You will let him decide for himself. He has his other world and his... other family to think about, too. You love him and that's why you won't ask for what he can't give you when... if... you see him again. You must let him choose freely now and when you go back... you'll accept his decision, whatever it will be. If he chooses... his other life, for whatever reason, you'll let him be, you won't make it more difficult for him. Because you want him to be happy... Because you don't even know if you can go back, because he doesn't believe you can... but sent you back here alone nonetheless. You simply... mustn't keep him waiting, hoping, for another six hundred years!

It was still less than a month since we got separated but it felt incredibly long, it wasn't easy at all. I couldn't imagine surviving one whole year without him, let alone six hundred. Vlad deserved better than this, he deserved to be freed from that awful cell and go back to his life, the way it had been before I turned up in his castle. Stoker is right, you are only a trouble for him.

Sighing heavily, I switched the water off. I wiped the tears I couldn't hold back, mixed with the drops of water trickling down my face from my wet hair, away with a warm towel. Once I was dressed and my hair was dry, I walked over to Lia's door to say good night.

I found her lying on her bed in the dark, looking at the screen of her phone. Her face was illuminated by its cold light, the only thing visible in the darkness, her lips fixed in a dreamy, tell-tale smile. Oh no.

I flicked on the light switch by the door, making her groan as she brought her free arm over her eyes.

Pushing her legs away unceremoniously to make space for me when I reached her bed, I sat down next to her.

"He's a vampire, you know that, right?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

"And?" She asked, pulling herself up and sitting crossed-legged on her pillows, looking at me challengingly.

"You shouldn't date, or fall in love with a vampire. It's... weird and dangerous." I announced seriously.

"Aren't you married to one, and pregnant, and doing everything you can to get back to him?"