Lost Without You

~21~

Getting undressed I drank my tea, then, wrapped in my dressing gown I walked down the corridor towards the bathroom and took a quick shower. I was impatient to get in the bed.

Removing my copy of Dracula and the baby shoes from the drawer of my nightstand, I pushed them both under the pillows, curled beneath my quilt and let the sleep take me, hoping, praying for another dream about Vlad. But, this time, all I got were several unclear images of him sitting in that dark, cold cell, absorbed in writing a letter.

This only confirms what you've been thinking, I reasoned with myself grumpily when I woke up in the morning, even if you can see him most of the nights, you cannot make him see you every time. But why?

All the questions I could not answer were driving me mad. Even though it was my day off, I just could not stay in the bed, doing nothing, I felt too restless for that. So I got up as soon as my room got bright enough for me to move around without switching on the light.

I got dressed and had my breakfast, then, remembering my promise to cook the evening meal, I resolved to go shopping. There wasn't much to cook from in Lia and Anne's kitchen. The girls, apparently, didn't like to waste their free time cooking. I, on the other hand, had got used to it in the castle, and now I was missing all those hours spent by helping Cook to prepare meals when I had nothing better to do, waiting for Vlad to come back home...

Slowly but surely I'm making progress, I noticed, as I let my mind stroll freely back to Vlad and my life in the castle, while I filled the supermarket trolley with all kinds of ingredients. Paying attention to skip potatoes, tomatoes and other products Cook hadn't known or used, I opted for more ancient root vegetables, then asked one of the shop assistants for the right kind of wholemeal flour to make a piece of bread and a cake... I'm getting better at this, at thinking about him and my other life without crying...

When I got back in the flat, both girls were already out, and I had the kitchen to myself. Taking advantage of the situation I quickly made up my mind to cook before going out with William, then just warm everything up once I returned.

I checked the multitude of food now occupying more than a half of the kitchen table with satisfaction-- I managed to buy most of the things I needed. Except for mead. Oh well. I couldn't drink it anyway.

It took me hours, but at half past two in the afternoon everything was ready, and the kitchen that had looked like a battlefield while I was cooking, was tidy and pristine clean again. The small flat was filled with mouth-watering aromas of my creamy vegetable soup with barley, a simple stew in which I had to substitute venison, impossible to find in the supermarket, for beef, a piece of wholemeal bread, flat, because Lia had no suitable bread pan, and a cake -- a dry, very sweet and crumbly tart with honey and raisins. Vlad's favourite.

Finally, once all the food was sitting in various pots on the cooker, ready to be warmed up later, all except the cake, lying hidden in the oven, I sat down to my late lunch.

As soon as I reached for my phone to call Anne, as I didn't know if Lia had told her about tonight, it started ringing.

William! I groaned inwardly, seeing his name on the screen.

"Hi." I muttered when I picked up, unable to force myself to sound excited. Or at least enthusiastic. Can't he just wait until four o'clock?

"Hello." He said, his voice laced with joy, hinting at a smile I could not see. "I thought I'd drive, and I don't mind coming over to Barnes and pick you up at home. So you don't need to take the bus. Maybe I could come earlier... "

Why is he acting as if we were still a couple? I mused, feeling my exasperation rise.

Driving around overcrowded London on a Sunday afternoon would take ages. Evidently he didn't mind, as long as we would be together. There were times when I would not mind either, but now... When will he understand that nothing between us is as it had been before?!