Lost Without You

~14~

I couldn't concentrate on reading anymore after William's departure. My thoughts kept strolling back to him, to what he had said. Luckily, the shop got busy fast, and I was called to help serve the clientele while Mr. Turner took over the till.

I was doing quite well until the last half an hour of my shift, when tonight's play in the theatre was just starting, and the shop emptied itself of its last customers.

Anne approached me then, asking questions about William and my reasons for not wanting to give our relationship another chance.

Taking a deep, calming breath, I tried to answer her patiently, explaining my reasons without revealing anything about my other life, and my husband, the only man I truly loved. I couldn't tell her any of the things I had told my other friend; Anne wasn't Lia.

Inevitably, her questions turned the volume of the relentless trickle of thoughts and worries about Vlad, which I was trying to keep down at least during the day, back to maximum.

In the end, I left the shop feeling upset and anxious, which only made the headache I had all afternoon worse.

When I got off the bus in Barnes, I was on the verge of despair. Walking down the ill-lit, empty lanes leading to my house, I finally stopped fighting my tears and let them flow down my cheeks freely. There, they mixed with the cool drops of the autumnal drizzle, brought under the large hood of my coat by the chilly wind, making me shiver.

I had never felt this unhappy before. I missed Vlad terribly, and despite the child, his child, growing inside of me, I felt alone. Cast away and abandoned... And I wasn't sure I could do this all alone, without him at my side.

"I need you," I whispered to the wind caressing my face, my silent tears morphing into audible sobs. I needed his strength and his courage so great that it would suffice for both of us forever.

What if you'll never see him again? My subconscious asked the question that had been haunting me ever since I had left the castle, growing more insistent as the days passed.

My now confirmed pregnancy made everything look so much more complicated. How was I supposed to go back to Bran next Halloween, trying to reach him again, not knowing what I would find on the other side this time around, with our baby in my arms? The child would be, hmm... five months old? Could I ever risk going back with the baby? What if something went wrong and...

I stopped in my tracks suddenly as I was about to turn around another dark corner, realising two things at the same time -- I wasn't supposed to walk home this way, Lia was right, these lanes were far too dark and creepy. And I wasn't on my own.

Someone was definitely with me, watching, hidden in the shadows shrouding the tall stone garden walls that lined both sides of the lane. Whoever it was stood motionless, perfectly invisible to my eyes, but I could feel their presence.

I scanned the seemingly empty darkness cautiously, my skin crawling, finding no one. The faint rustle of a pile of fallen leaves, being swept into a whirlpool of quick motion and blurred images by the increasing wind in a distant corner, under the only lamp post, made me jump.

"Hello?" I called, voice shaking, trying hard to sound braver than I felt. The light flickered, threatening to go out and leave me in complete darkness. "What do you want from me?" I asked, speaking louder to make sure my voice would reach the stranger despite the faint howling of the wind.

As there was no response, I resumed my walk after a few moments, quickening my pace gradually and reaching my house running.

Relief flooded my body, pushing all the fear away when I found Mum at home. I couldn't stand to be alone in the large, old house right now.