Flashing Lights

22 - Thought I told you

"Why? Just tell me why? How could you do this to me? Do you hate me that much?!"

Kimmy sounds hysteric. I almost feel sorry for her. 
You should know that hysteric Kimmy's voice is even more high pitched than her normal one. 
Yeah, I didn't know that was possible either.

Paul, who is sitting across from me on the plane, looks at me and raises an eyebrow. "What's going on with her?" He whispers, while pointing his thumb towards her.

I put my hands on my face, squish my cheeks, and tilt my head. "Her assistant forgot to order her cucumber, apple & spinach juice and now she will just have to drink water, coke or orange juice during the flight. You know, like normal people."

Paul can't contain his laughter, and I smack his shoulder. "Shut up. She'll kill us if she knows we're laughing with her."

He shrugs. "Do I look like I care? I'm not the sweetheart you are."

"I'm not a sweetheart." I protest.
I really am not. I just don't want to give her any more reasons to hate me, you know, besides sleeping with the guy she clearly likes a lot. 

Hunter had promised me he would explain everything to me, but we got a bit sidetracked as you may remember. All I know is that she isn't his girlfriend – or at least not any longer. 

"She's not. I speak from experience." Hunter chimes in while passing our seats. He fist-bumps Paul before continuing his path towards his own seat, two rows further down the private plane. Paul looks at me with a weird expression. "He seems cheery today. He probably got laid last night."

I almost choke on my drink and spit the sip of water I just took in Paul's face. "Uuuugh, Millie." He grunts, while taking one of the napkins laying on the table between us to dry his face.

"So sorry about that," I say while grabbing another napkin and start dabbing the water that got spilled on his blue shirt. I can feel my face turn crimson. I can't let him know what happened between Hunter and me.

Just act casual, Millie. Say something. Anything. Really.

"Have you been working out?" I ask while patting his chest some more with my napkin.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't have said just 'anything'. 
Good thing he's gay, or he would surely think I'm hitting on him. 

My plan to distract him seems to work though, because Paul gets this huge grin on his face. "Yeah. Glad you noticed, makes it worth the effort."

"Aw... you're so sweet Paul. You're going to make a guy the luckiest man on earth one day."
He really is. Everything is so easy with him, no unnecessary drama. 

"Or girl."

"Or girl.
Wait...or girl?" 

I can't hide the surprise in my voice.
I honestly didn't see that one coming. I thought Paul was gay?
He told me all about his ex, and that was definitely a guy. 

"Yes. I'm bi, Millie. I thought I told you that the night we went clubbing?"

"No, you didn't. But it doesn't really matter, does it? You're still the same Paul to me, nothing has changed." I grab his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. 

Maybe he did mention it, but we all know that night wasn't one of my sharpest. 

"It does change something, because now you know I also like girls."

"Why would that change..." I start but stop when I look at his face.
He isn't telling me this because he wants me to know he likes girls.
He wants me to know that he likes me.
"Oooh. Never mind."

He gives me a sheepish smile and puts his hand on top of mine. "Don't worry. I'm not going to pursue it or anything. I know you would never start something here with someone on tour. I've heard too many of your 'I'm a professional' speeches. I just wanted you to know. Leaving the option open. I would hate it if some other guy here swept you off your feet and you wouldn't even know that I was a possibility ."

I had to ruin it with my "no unnecessary drama" statement earlier, didn't I?
Guess it's a good thing he doesn't know about what happened with Hunter. 

"Well. Okay. Thanks for letting me know." I clear my throat and pull my hand back.
How did this get this awkward, this quick?

"Relax, Millie. As I said, I'm not going to pursue it. This doesn't change anything between us."

"I know."
I hear myself say the words, but I'm not convinced. Let's just hope he's right. 

I'm glad when I hear Stewart, our steward – I swear this isn't a joke – through the passenger address system. A very welcome distraction. 

Stewart the steward is letting us know we are going to take off soon and asks us to buckle our seat belts. I never fully understood why we have to do this on a plane. I don't think this tiny belt would save me if the aircraft went down. The only thing I can imagine is that it could come in handy to keep my body – or parts of it – in place when our jet would collide with the ground after getting struck by lightning mid-flight. 

Truth be told, I've never been a big fan of flying. We never really did it much when I was younger and now it's just a necessary evil to get me places. I suddenly wish Hunter was sitting next to me. The idea of him beside me calms me instantly, and I even contemplate if I should just make up an excuse to go over to him. 

I won't though. 

Weird how only a couple of hours can make such a difference. I would have laughed in your face - agaon - yesterday morning when you would have told me I would be missing him when he was only sitting a couple of seats from me. 

Yet here I am.