Loki Oneshots (Loki X Reader)

Self Inflicted

(๑ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣﹏ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣) guess what I did, I wrote some sadness

⚠️!Warning!⚠️: Self harm; cutting and talk of burning, negative thoughts, mention of blood, panic attack. Please be careful and don't read this if its triggering!

It had been a really rough day and you were trying so hard not to do it but there you found yourself. On the cold bathroom floor with a knife sliding across you wrist. It was a complex of feelings.

You obviously felt pain, the sharp metal splitting your skin was uncomfortable but it made you feel real. Even if it hurt, it felt like you were real and alive. Both a blessing and a curse.

Another cut. People would be better off without you. Loki wouldn't feel obligated to date you, Steve and Bucky would finally be free from you, everyone would feel better without you, wouldn't they?

It felt relieving. It was your outlet for each and every emotion that swirled inside the mess of a human you were. So far, there were three cuts below your wrist. The blood running down your forearm as you looked at the pathetic cuts.

They needed to be deeper.

You slowly plunged the tip of the dagger into your skin, biting down on your lip to silence your howl of pain and sorrow. You were about to continue when a knock came from the door.

"(Y/n)? You've been in there for quite some time, are you alright?" Loki's voice drifted through the cracks in the door, laced with concern.

The sudden noise had caused you to startle and accidentally drag the knife all the way down to your mid forearm. You pursed you lips and hit the floor a couple of times, trying not to sob harder than you already were.

Loki knocked again, more frantically this time. Unknown to you, he had smelt the fresh blood and panicked.

"(Y/n), please open the door" His voice wavered, worried that his gut feeling was correct.

"Loki, I'm fine" You should've kept your mouth shut. Your voice cracked at the end, resulting in a small cry.

"Please, open the door, my dear" The Asgardian begged, knowing exactly what you were doing.

When you didn't respond, in a cloud of green mist, Loki teleported into the bathroom and stood wide-eyed as he saw your bloody arm and the knife.

Knowing you couldn't go anywhere, you curled into yourself, sobbing so painfully hard. It took Loki a minute to gather himself. He couldn't believe his love felt the need to do this. He wasn't mad nor upset. Just so wounded that you cut yourself without him ever knowing.

He knelt by your side and gathered you in his arms tightly, trying not to let his sorrow show. You tried to move away, afraid he would say the same thing everyone else had. That this was all for attention.

"My love, please. I'm not here to hurt you" Loki whispered, lip trembling with the thought that he had scared you. You finally let him hold you and you both were glad you did so.

Loki held you to his chest as tight as possible, wanting to protect you from anything and everything. You tried listening to his heart, his breathing but your sobs were too loud.

You didn't want to sit still anymore. You pushed Loki back once again and instinctively reached out for the knife. He ripped it from your grasp and sent it away. You shuffled back against the wall, trying to escape the fear, this pain, everything that was building up inside you.

Loki left for a bit, leaving you back at square one. Alone on the cold bathroom floor without a knife this time. Your thoughts ran wild as your breathing became shallower. All you could think of was how you felt as if you might die any moment now.

Loki soon reappeared with a rag, a first-aid kit and a glass of water. He sat beside you again and held out his hand.

"Trust me, my dear. Hold my hand" His soothing voice convinced you to take it and you were met with a frigid grasp. Your eyes shot down to your conjoined hands to find his blue.

He had turn into a Jötunn, for you.

The icy touch brought your attention to your hands, distracting you from your thoughts for a few moments. Its didn't last long, though. Your fears and anxieties caught up again and became a destructive tornado, crashing through your mind.

The now blue god grabbed your other hand and the same reaction happened. You calmed for a minute then started panicking again.

Loki whispered reassuring things, promising you everything was going to be alright as he pressed the back of his hand to your forehead. The cooling sensation immediately had your breathing slow and calmed your racing mind.

Your exhaustion hit you like a truck. Your eyes started fluttering shut as Loki's hand moved away and was replaced by a soft kiss. He carefully took your arm and wiped it, making sure it was all cleaned up. He then moved to wrap your arm up in a way that promised quick healing.

Once that was done, Loki cleaned up you face and bandaged any other wounds. He lifted you up bridal style holding you close to his chest and made his way over to your bed. Every action was followed with plenty of loving words. The God set you down carefully and hesitated before joining you.

"No, come" you whispered, pulling him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around you tightly and you both just laid there.

You pressed your head closer to Loki's chest, wanting to hear his heartbeat once more. The Asgardian rested his chin on your head, stroking your hair. With every mumble of reassurance, you could feel his chest rumble.

This was a much better way to make sure you were alive.

"May I show you something, my dear?" Loki questioned, pulling back to look into your eyes. You gave a small nod and he sat up, rolling up his sleeve. Doing so revealed burn marks starting from his forearm.

"When under control of Thanos, he constantly reminded me that being a Jötunn meant I was nothing but a heartless monster" he swallowed, tears forming in his eyes once more "I thought the only way to get rid of it was to burn it. It uh.. obviously didn't work"

You examined his arm carefully, feeling a bit better about how you weren't the only one. Yet pained to think he had been through this.

"I meant this as comfort, not to downsize your pain" Loki hastened, worried he might've made you feel bad about you own scars. You nodded in understanding, offering him a sad smile. He rested his hand on top of yours.

"Whatever it is dear, whatever has caused you to do this to yourself, understand that I am with you. I will listen and help you in any way I can, just as you have done for me. Let me remove the weight you feel burdened to carry. I love you, my dear (Y/n), I love you so much"  Loki's sweet and meaningful words made you tear up again.

He really did love you.
You really did love him.

Without even meaning to, you had spilled out everything you had been holding in, from the heartbreaks to the day where you had dropped your burrito, which just sucked. The whole time he listened, only stopping you to give you some water and to remind you to breath.

He listened, helped you through some emotions you couldn't put into words, helping you sort out the smaller problems and was just there for you.

When that was all said and done you both took a nap, agreeing that emotions were disgusting and draining.

Later, Loki insisted that you and him figure out ways to help you release bottled up feelings. You had figured out a small list:

1. Talking things out
2. Practice training to get anger out
3. Creating a code word/action to tell Loki you need to talk or get out of a situation
4. And tracing/holding Lokis hand whenever you felt the urge to self harm
5. Or he would trace your arm to remind you that you're real and very much loved

"No matter what, I'm always here for you"

A/n, again: please reach out to trusted friends and family/guardians if you're feeling depressed/anxious or feel the need to self harm or worse. You are loved. You are real. You are enough.

If you have no one to talk to, please feel free to rant to me. I never judge. Please stay safe, especially during these hard times.

Your pain is valid and so are you <3