In a open relationship

Chapter 36

Sunday morning , I wake up to the smell of waffles - my favourite , it must be Aunt Stephany only she likes waffles as much as I do , I open my eyes slowly and its almost as if a pan hit me straight in my forehead, I drank too much .

everybody is already awake I can hear all their voices except for Kams .

Kam !, my eyes widen with panic as my memory comes back , I curl up banging my head repeadly on my knees , " not again " 

I gasp at an even bigger realisation " what if someone saw us ?, stupid , Stupid ! stupid! ".

everytime I drink alcohol something like this always happens , I should stop drinking around him , or even better - stop drinking .

this is the second time I have committed adultery in my marriage and again I don't remember much , how I got here ? Etc, every word he  said to me last night are replaying in my head like a never ending song , I can't blame him for what happened this time because I initiated it .

I think he's aware now that I've fallen for him, I'm embarrassed to come face to face with him now, I can hear my dad saying the word son over and over again which asserts me that he is still around .

" Lauren !" collen shouts , " wake up breakfast is ready , its your fave !".

my skin cringes theres no getting away from this one is there ?" just kill me now Lord " I fall back on the bed .

....

walking stealthy I make my way down to the kitchen where everyone is gathered , " good morning sleepy head " dad sees me first .

everyone else turns to me but my eyes linger on Kam who is standing by the stove with a pan in his hand and an apron around his waist wearing the most brightest smile I have ever seen ,it's deja vu all over again.

" good morning everyone !" I clear my throat , they all greet me back, everyone looks more alive than m , I'm starting to think I am the only one who drank last night , my head is poundinng  due to hangover and embarrasement.

" come on I saved you a sit right next to me " Ashely talks to me in a not so normal way , she is never nice to me but she is usually worse in the mornings .

hesitantly I reply" sure ", sitting on the chair she has pulled out for me 

"Austin made your favourite breakfast " Caitlyn says .

" yeah I see " I scratch the back of my head avoiding to make eye contact with him .

" you guys must be really good friends huh ?, like really , really good friends " Ashley's question throws me off like shes trying to imply we are something else .

" yeah a friend of my husband's is a friend of mine and  I mean Austin just clicks with everyone , thats just how he is " I say trying to cover the cracks in my voice .

she bites her nails studying me , " I guess thats true , we only met him yesterday but it feels like we have known him forever " .

" right " , something tells me if someone saw us last night then it was Ashley , but I know Ashley she would have told everyone by now , so there's no way .

Kayden starts dishing up for everyone , he comes around to where I am sitting and starts dishing up for me in my plate , " and for the queen " he says , I want to shush him but it will alert everyone so I remain silent , " thanks ".

" come on , you can try and be a little optimistic ,afterall  he made it all for you " Ashely whispers in to my ears .

"is there something you want to tell me?" .

"me?" she points at her chest," oh no no sweety not at all " .

" Ashely go and get my phone for me , I'mm sure the retailers must've called by now " Aunt Stephany steers her attention.

" why didn't you just bring it down with you ?" 

Stephany does not answer her , " whatever mom " she hops off her chair " I don't get paid for this " she mutters under breath as she goes .

I need to talk to Ashley and find out if she knows anything but how  am I going to bring up the topic ?, its going to make her suspicious if she doesn't know anything and I so happen to be overthinking.

" hey want more waffles ?" Kam directs his question to me.

" no I am fine thanks ".

although I stand to lose everything if it just so happens that Ashley knows looking at his gorgeous face - I don't think I regret it that much as I did the first time , last night I felt alive like never before , his arms wrapping me brought me into a reality that dreams can be real , I felt loved like never before after years and years of living with hate himself and today I am faced with love ,  as he is chatting and laughing with my dad my focus falls on his lips , I get an instant flashback of what they taste like.

my feelings for Ethan are still very much active even after making out with his friend twice , I think this has to do with psychological reasons , I once heard that victims tend to choose their abusers over those who truly love them .