The Fearless Princess (Forgotten Royals)

Chapter Twenty-One

Yuletide brought a bit of merriness and a blessed change from the tedious routine. The Prince and Princess of Wales invited us all for the celebration. Berkhamsted Castle was impressive, but it lacked the splendor of other royal residences.

"The castle needs repairs," Joan said with a sheepish smile as she, Blanche, and I walked around the ancient halls. "I am quite shamed that we are hosting our first Christmas in this condition. I would have preferred Kennington, but my lord husband is still having quite a bit of work done on it. And for some reason, he is rather fond of Berkhamsted."

I shivered at the cold from the castle. "It's majestic."

"Bella is right." Blanche beamed as if I spoke true words. "Berkhamsted has hundreds of years of history. The French king stayed here when he was a hostage. It is the perfect residence for your Christmas."

Blanche was too kind. Especially since she and my brother lived in splendor of her father's Lancaster estates. But I said nothing, not wanting to upset the delicate balance of my new sisters.

These were my only sisters left. With my sister Margaret dead, I was the last daughter of Edward III. I only had Blanche and Joan. Of course, there was Lionel's wife, but I didn't know her well enough to have that kind of closeness.

I struggled to force away the melancholy thoughts and painful memories of my sisters. If I went down this path, I might start sobbing. I couldn't disgrace my family.

Joan stopped to look at a tapestry of the hunt that looked about as old as the castle. "I hope your mother will like it."

Alarm went through me. "Has Mama been unkind?"

"She has been a most generous mother and I am thankful," Joan said. "But I don't intend to give her any reason to think Edward could have done better."

Blanche smoothed the folds of her dress. "Her Grace will soften. She has always been kind to me."

I wouldn't be unkind to my new sister and point out that her Lancaster inheritance had vastly enriched my mother's third son. I exchanged a look with Joan, whose mouth curved a bit. Her Kent estates added much to my brother and he would not be in need of money as he often was in the past. But it was nothing compared to Blanche's riches.

"Forget my mother." I tossed my head, attempting to be the bold princess I was before the loss of my sisters. "You ought to enjoy your marriage, Joan. You are now the highest ranked woman in England after my mother. Don't tell me you aren't reveling in it."

Joan played with her necklace. "I am grateful for it, but that is not what matters most to me. It means more to me than I can say that I am married to your brother."

I moved closer to a window, letting in faint winter light. "Faith, you deserve it. I imagine there is no worse feeling than not being able to be with the one you loved."

I forced myself not to think of Enguerrand. We had our time together in the summer. But we had to be careful this Christmas. I refused to ruin Joan's moment.

No matter how much I wanted him in my bed.

"I am thankful I never had to experience anything like that," Blanche said. "John and I don't even like being parted."

"What of you, Isabella?" Joan asked, her new title making her more comfortable at addressing me like an equal. "How do you fare?"

I sniffed. "I've never loved anyone and so I've never suffered from being away from them." Joan and Blanche looked dubious, and I rolled my eyes. "It's true!"

Blanche smiled. "We aren't going to tell anyone."

Exasperation rose in me. "I am glad you two are content with love, but it's not what I wanted in life. Not like that."