L O C K E D- Finnick Odair

TWENTY

'°•~Chapter 20~•°'

I'M FORCED TO hang up, and I'm quickly rushed out by Cressida into a hovercraft while old and new tears stain my face. I didn't even get to thank Tigris. The others explain what's happening to me, but it's still a blur.

"It's Katniss and Gale," Cressida says urgently. "There's been an attack, and we need to get them out of there before it's too late." I look to the driver's seat of the vehicle, and Heavansbee sits in the spot, and I wonder how the hell he managed to get here so fast. They don't even give us time to strap ourselves in, so I'm stuck holding on to the railing in between Finnick and Pollux.

"Hold on!"

We fly over the Capitol, and when we get to the City Circle is when we see the thousands of citizens scrambling for safety as bombs are dropped from other hovercrafts. Peacekeepers are killed right in front of us as our plane lowers. The door opens, and Finnick grips onto my arm to keep me from falling. The screams of the people haunt my ears as they meet their deaths.

And then there's Katniss. She lies almost lifeless on the cement floor as small flames litter her body. Smoke fills the air around us from near explosions as we land on the ground. "I'll go get Katniss!" Finnick yells.

As he's about to run out, I stop him. "Please, don't. I can't lose you too." He stares into my eyes for a split second and then grabs my face, pulling me into him like he's never felt my touch before. He kisses me hard, and for a moment, I don't hate him anymore. He pulls away and lets go of my hand. He takes a gun that hangs on the hovercraft's wall, and I know that he's never shot a gun in his life, which concerns me.

"I'm going with him!" Peeta shouts, following Finnick as they run out of the hovercraft over to Katniss. Pollux grabs my hand and nods in an attempt to soothe my nerves, but watching them doesn't help at all. Finnick and Peeta each grab Katniss's arms and lift her up, dragging her back into the vehicle.  I can tell even from far away that she's unconscious, and once they're back in the hovercraft, they strap her into the stretcher. In only seconds, the doors close, and we're flying out of the Capitol.

"Where are we even going?"

"District 13."

"Is it over? What happens now?" I ask. It couldn't just be over. After everything that's happened, did we lose? Did Snow win? Was it all for nothing?

"I guess we'll see how it all plays out."

***

Nothing "played out" for a few weeks. We went back to District 13 and acted like nothing even happened. There was a memorial service for those who died on the mission, including August and Katniss's sister, but no one really talked about it.  The rest of the time I spent in my room, not talking to anyone, not eating, not sleeping, just existing. But that's how I was before the Quell, just taking up space.

One morning, I visit Coin in her office, and she doesn't look overly happy to see me. This would be the first time I've ever actually spoken to her alone, and I don't like it.

"Can I help you with anything?" she asks me, seeming annoyed by my presence.

"I want to go home; to District 4," I tell her. "Do I have to stay here anymore?"

"It's not safe," she says. "With Snow still alive, you're still a threat to them."

"What are they going to, kill me?" I laugh dryly. "It's not like I even played a part in all this revolution bullshit anyways."

"That's not true. You're a victor, which automatically makes you significant," she explains to me in attempts to make me feel relevant. "You may not be leading the revolution, but that doesn't mean you're not important."

"How?"

She sighs. "You survived those Games. You were bought and sold, and your family was ripped away from you," she says. "You have more hatred towards the Capitol than anyone like Heavansbee, or I could even understand."

"So, what are you saying?" I scoff. "I'm stuck as a piece in your rebellion forever?"

"That's not what I'm saying." She stands up. "We'll be having a meeting with the other victors tomorrow in the Capitol, where Katniss already is. As long as you're a victor, then you're obligated to go."

Victor. The word plays over and over again in my head. I don't feel like a victor now, and I never felt like one before. 'Victor' is the title I've been associated with for almost ten years, and even though I am one, it doesn't even matter in the end whether I won those Games or not. I'm still nothing to the Capitol, just a character in their game they never cared about. You never really win the games. You only survive and pray that you're safe, but you never are. If anything, you're safer in the arena than you are in the real world.

I've always thought it was selfish to have children. You go through the fear of the reaping and peacekeepers and poverty just to bring your children into that world to repeat the same life you lived. I decided a long time ago to never risk someone's life like that. But I let August die, so I guess I'm not very loyal to myself. August and Eliza had Emerson because they thought he would be able to live peacefully, but in the end, it wasn't Emerson they should've been worrying about.

I spend that night sleepless, staring at the ceiling and counting the small chips in the paint. I bring my hand to my chest and feel where I was shocked. The burn is almost gone, but that area of skin is much rougher than the rest. I should've died that night. I should be dead.

"Lilac?" I say, knocking on the door frame. She turns, and her gaze softens as she sees me. Even though she worked for the Capitol, I still trust her more than anyone else here.

"Emmeline," she whispers, standing up from the wooden chair she had been sitting in. She approaches me from the other side of the room and hugs me, and then I realize how much I've missed the company of another person.

"I was wondering if you had an outfit I could borrow," I say to her, trying to shadow my smile as I wait for her reaction.

She pulls away from me and has an excited look on her face. "I was hoping you would ask me eventually." Her expression lights up as she goes over to open her wardrobe. "I definitely don't have what I had back in the Capitol, but I am a stylist, which means I can make anything work."

In only a few minutes, she has me dressed in a white sweater that is too big, pants, and a pair of warm snow boots that are decorated with some sort of fur. I then let her do my hair, which she ties back neatly. For this first time in a while, I look halfway decent, but the bruises on my face and the circles under my eyes kind of throw it all off. I look in the mirror  at myself, then up to Lilac.

"After the meeting in the Capitol, I'm going back to District 4," I tell her. I don't want to leave her, but I also don't want to be here. "I'm sorry."

She smiles weakly at me. "Don't apologize, Em. You deserve to go home. You can keep the clothes, too."

"Thank you," I whisper. I touch the necklace Finnick gave me with my fingertips, the cool sea glass reminding me of the beach. I haven't taken it off since before the Quell.

Johanna appears in the doorway. Her hair has grown back a little, and she looks healthier even though I know she's been using morphling. "Are you ready? Coin says it's time to go."

"Coin says it's time to go!" Lilac repeats sarcastically. I stand up, and I can tell she's sad as she hugs me, her hands gripping onto the cloth of my sweater. "Take care of yourself."

I kiss her on the cheek, like she had done for me back at the Tribute Center. A single tear falls down her face, but her smile doesn't fade. "Goodbye, Lilac. Be safe."

And in just five minutes, I'm out of District 13 for good.