Xavier (Sugar Baby 2) ✔️

two: pursued

I stood rooted to the spot.

My heart raced in my chest, guilt burning my insides. I followed Gray after a while. I learnt from the doctor that thankfully, Victoria's operation had been successful. There had been certain complications, but the plastic had prevented her lungs from collapsing.

I stood near the doorway, my heart stuck in my throat. Grayson sat beside her bed, talking softly to her, his back towards me. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Victoria had a relaxed, maybe even somewhat awed expression on her face. I stood uneasily, my stomach clenching as I gazed at the beautiful couple.

"You have been lucky Mr Shelby," A nurse said as she gave me a short glance and walked over to Victoria. "The gun wound, had it been a few millimetres away might have have fatal."

I watched silently, my heart threatening to jump out of my throat. I was scarcely aware of what the nurse was saying, my eyes falling on Grayson's hand, casually resting on Victoria's mattress. Despite her potentially fatal injury, she looked beautiful. Painfully so. I watched, my blood cold as slowly her hand inched towards Grayson's. I gazed silently, waiting for him to remove his hand. Waiting for him to leave her. But he didn't.

Her hand moved closer to his and entwined with his fingers. My heart shattered.

I turned on my heel and left. I couldn't bear to stay there a second longer. I walked through the hallway, my insides turning into writhing snakes of envy. I stepped into the cold night and started walking aimlessly along the empty road. I felt weak. Powerless.

Being with Gray made me forget the difference in our dynamics. Made me forget that even though he meant everything to me, I was not the first person he had ever loved. He had loved Victoria. Enough to marry her. Even had a child before the terrible mishap occurred.

They were a family. What was I?

The moment the thought formed in my head, I almost fell. My world was spinning. What kind of an idiot had I been? Grayson could leave me tomorrow for the woman he had pledged his life to.

I was nothing.

I bit my lip to keep it from trembling and picked up my pace. That's what I was. Nothing. I had no identity when it came to Gray. Victoria was his wife. They had an entire history. He had known her for more than a decade. Loved her for as long.

I started running along the dark road, my vision blurry.

What the hell had I been thinking? Had I actually been stupid enough to hope? Hope that maybe Gray and I would be more. That one day, we might have an actual family.

I couldn't believe the thoughts I was having. They crumbled into pieces in front of my eyes, suffocating me till I felt like the entire sky had fallen. I wasn't one to believe in family structures. Mine had been as fucked as possible. Was that why I desired for something with him so bad?

Why was everything suddenly different? Why was he looking at me with such anger? Why was he letting Victoria touch him? Did he regret leaving her? What if he stopped loving me? What if he never did love me? Was I not enough?

Of course I was not enough.

I was panting hard when I finally stopped at an unfamiliar street. There didn't seem to be many houses around me. The darkness interrupted only by the scarce street lamps. I bent over, trying to catch my breath. Images flashing across the labyrinth of my mind. Victoria. The gunshot. The blood. Grayson.

Grayson.

What if he left me?

I shuddered slightly at the thought. I hated being so dependent over him. He was my anchor. I hadn't had anything in life and had committed the mistake of letting everything revolve around him. I couldn't remember how I had lived before him. My vision seemed to tunnel, like the walls were closing in on me. Like my lungs could breathe no longer.