All night I sit on the balcony and look out into the dark, cold night. I think about everything I can remember.
I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who listens to me and understands me. But I am alone.
From afar, I can see the sky getting brighter and brighter and finally glowing in bright colours.
The sun rises higher and higher until it is finally fully up.
I take out my Airpods, listen to the chirping birds and take one deep breath of the fresh morning air.
I haven't slept all night, so maybe I should lie down for another 1 or 2 hours so that I'm not exhausted when the game starts.
I go back into the room, close the curtains, lie down in my bed and shortly afterwards I fall asleep.
When I wake up, I slowly get up and go to the bathroom to take a shower. Should I put on the same clothes I'm wearing to the game tonight? Maybe I should first check how long I have slept. 6:30 pm. Wait, what? It can't be. I quickly open my curtains, only to see that it's already getting dark again. Shit. I hope Denise hasn't left me already.
Just then there is a knock on my door and she comes in. "Hey. Are you okay?" she asks me.
"Yeah. I'm fine," I reply to ease her mind a little. "I wanted to tell you that we'll be picked up here at 7:00 p.m. I came in briefly once earlier because I hadn't heard from you, but you were asleep. i didn't want to wake you up," she explains to me. "No problem. I still have 30 minutes. If you don't mind, I'd like to take a shower now." "All right. When you're done, just come over."
I get ready and put on a pair of jeans today. By the time I'm completely done, it's almost 7:00, so I knock on Denise's door. "You're right on time. Let's go." I give her a quick smile to show her I'm ready. She walks ahead, through the whole hotel, out the back entrance again.
Denise tells the taxi driver exactly where to go and where to let us out. Since we practically belong to Jude, we go to the VIP area of the stadium, where the friends and relatives of the other players are probably sitting.
I look out of the window the whole way. It's already dark, but the bright lights of the city shine so brightly that I can make out everything.
I lean my head against the cold window pane and close my eyes to try to escape all the thoughts that now occupy me.
But it's no use. The same scenes play over and over again in my head.
How he touches me and how I can't even do anything about it. I should have fought back. I should have screamed and kicked him. So all of it is my fault. It's my fault that something like this happened to me.
A single tear rolls down my cheek.
I just hope Denise doesn't see me like this. I want her to believe that I'm okay.
I don't want her to know that maybe this is bothering me more than I might like to admit.
