The months have passed and the fresh spring air has turned into warm summer air.
I have neither seen nor heard of Jude once in these four months.
I suppose she really is his girlfriend.
But there are so many questions that are still unanswered and that I would like to know. For example, why did he say he loved me, why did his mother insist that I tell him the truth even when there was no hope anyway, and why didn't even Gio know anything about it.
Every time I was about to call him, I told myself that he hadn't called me either. I did delete my number from his mobile phone, but if he had really missed me and really wanted to call me, he would have managed it somehow.
But those times have changed now too. I think I have forgotten him.
No, actually I haven't. I could never forget him.
But, I have stopped loving him.
I even made up with my mother after I had a lot of time to think.
We both think we made mistakes and we have now forgiven each other.
My mother is my best friend again, as she always was.
Last week, Monday, we got our diploma. I must say it was better than I expected and I turned 18 and started working in a very expensive restaurant.
"Have you heard of Jude?" my mother suddenly asks me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I didn't hear her come in.
Since we made up and I told her everything, she asks me every day if I've heard anything about him. It's stupid for her and Denise because they are still good friends.
"Oh mum. Please stop asking me that all the time. I haven't and won't hear from him in the future," I answer her and take a glass and water from the cupboard.
The two of them still have hope that things will work out between us.
I sit down at the other end of the couch and avoid my mother's gaze.
"Yes, I know. But why don't you want to talk things out? You have misunderstood so much," she says a little sadly.
"Mum... look. He had first decided to spend his life without me. He has moved on. Without me. And now I've moved on too. Without him. And I am finally happy again," I answer her and smile .
"What do you mean you're happy again? Otherwise you were always sad about it," she says and looks at me eagerly.
"It means that I don't love him anymore," I answer her and then finally look away.
It's quiet for a moment and my mother just looks at me.
"I'm going to tell you something now that you won't understand and where you'll say it's not true," she says, looking at me intensely.
"You can't stop loving a person. Either you never really loved him or you still love him and always will."
It's quiet again.
"And now before you say I'm lying, or that it's not true, think about it." And with those words, she leaves the room.
The rest of the day I thought about what she said, even when I was at work.
And now, when I came back home, I realised that it's definitely not true.
Because I don't love him anymore.
It's quite late when I get to my room, so I turn on the TV for a while.
I go through channel by channel...
Wait... was that Gio? On a quiz show?
I quickly go back and see Gio sitting on one side with someone else.
"And here's our opposing team," the presenter suddenly says and the camera pans over to the entrance.
Who would have thought that Jude would just walk in with his girlfriend?
Well, definitely not me.
"We welcome Jude Bellingham and his girlfriend Hanna Klein," the presenter says again and the people watching applaud.
"Nice of you two to come," he says again.
"Thank you for inviting us," Hanna thanks him.
"A very nice couple you are...", yes, you could say that. "How long have you been together?" he asks Jude this time.
"For about four months," he says with a smile.
Wow. He looks so happy.
He has this sparkle in his eyes that he never had with me.
The moderator asks them a few more things and then it starts.
But I don't notice much, because I've fallen asleep again.
Fortunately, when I wake up because of the TV, it's only 3 o'clock, which means I could sleep for a long time, but first I have to go to the kitchen to get something to drink.
So I go down the stairs.
Why is my mother's door open?
She's usually always asleep at this time of night.
So I go on, down to the kitchen, to see if my mother is there somewhere.
But when she's not there either, I get a strange feeling.
I search the whole house, shouting, opening every door and cupboard, but nothing.
"Mom. Are you here?" I scream again as loud as I can.
But again no answer. I grab a house key from the shelf, put on my shoes and leave the house as quickly as I can.
