AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN I RICK GRIMES

As We Live And Die

As We Live And Die

The car jolted towards Alexandria, its familiar walls looming in the distance, making a lump form in Alexis's throat despite herself. Whatever happened, it was the only home she knew now. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to be cast adrift like Rick and his people, not knowing if they would see out the night, the dawn of another day signalling the battle for survival was about to begin all over again.

Aaron was in the RV behind, allowing Alexis to relax slightly now she was no longer under his angry gaze. From the moment he'd regained consciousness after Rick had punched him, Aaron had been waiting for the right moment to unleash his wrath on Alexis for what she'd done, breaking every rule in the book, approaching a group without watching them for a while, gauging the dynamics of their unit, whether they'd fit into Alexandria or not.

Rick had forced Aaron at gunpoint to relate the ins and outs of Alexandria, what their set-up was like, why they wanted him and his people. He seemed to consider Aaron and Alexis in the light of a comedy turn, even laughing out loud when Aaron said they had their own apple trees, as if it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard. Aaron had tried every approach in the book, being earnest, righteous, forgiving, noble, deadpan, anything and everything to win Rick over, but none of it had worked, Rick only interested in what Aaron had to say, not how he said it.

There had been a tense moment over Alexis's black eye, Rick asking how she'd got it, Alexis looking at Carl and Judith, knowing what telling the truth would cost. Rick wouldn't bring his children to a place where people like Pete existed; he just wouldn't take that chance. She could see it in the manic glint in Rick's eye, the tic of his jaw. He would cut his group loose, letting them drift where the tide of life took them, rather than risk it in Alexandria. So she'd lied, almost convincing even herself, Rick accepting her explanation with sullen silence, not knowing he'd heard that excuse, I walked into a door, a million times before.

So for all she flattered herself, Rick just didn't believe her, the lies falling from her lips only setting him on edge even more. The photos, the stories, even the goddamn apple trees, it all sounded too good to be true. Yet if he were to judge by Aaron's almost unnerving openness, the fresh frankness of his manner, how it clashed with his own closed off attitude, it only served to highlight the difference between living and surviving. Physically, the pair were clean and well fed, their clothes almost brand new, neither one of them looking like they'd spent the night sleeping on a hard floor.

If it was Rick's decision, he would have taken his chances on the road. But with his children going hungry, Michonne at breaking point, saying they couldn't last out there much longer, Daryl letting the darkness over losing Beth draw him under, Rick was being railroaded into making choices that could cost them dearly. He was being told to trust two strangers, to let them lead him and his family into what could be another Terminus. Yet what other choice did he have?

So he'd gathered his group together, forcing Aaron and Alexis to lead them to where they'd parked the RV and car, before making Alexis drive them to Alexandria, his gun drawn, everybody on high alert, their hands on holsters, on the handles of knives. This could be what they were so desperately searching for, or they could be driving up to the gates of hell. As Alexis slowed the car to a stop, he glanced at her, jaw tightening, his stare scorching. She met his gaze, even as it felt like a physical blow, making her mind reel. But something in her face stilled the storm within Rick, filling him with a strange calm he hadn't felt for a long time.

"Listen," Alexis said quietly, holding his attention hostage, "just... listen."

Rick half turned away from her, staring ahead instead, his brow furrowing, focusing on the closed gate as if he could see past its bars through sheer will. As the sound of children laughing and playing filled the void, an expression of almost comical surprise spread across his face, his eyes growing childishly wide, as though he couldn't quite comprehend what he was hearing.

Without thinking, Alexis reached out her hand, laying it over his, her touch tentative, almost terrified. For a moment, Rick let her hand rest on his, and then he tore his own hand away, making her flinch. Grabbing the steering wheel for support, she hunched over it, avoiding his eyes. As she did, Rick looked down at his battered boots, his jaw working, tears threatening to fall, the sound of civilization drilling into his skull. It almost seemed too easy, impossible to believe that shelter was only a few steps away.

As he wrestled with himself, Judith let out a wail, ripping him back into reality. Without a word, he clambered out of the car, Alexis and the others following him, Michonne assuming guard position, the sight of her Samurai sword making Alexis swallow hard. It embodied what the world had become, kill or be killed, its blade shedding blood of the dead and the living.

Rick and his group then approached the gate with weapons raised, stances ready, Aaron hanging back, Alexis striding forwards, thinking of her sister and nephews, the bitter high of homecoming healing the breach. Yet as she moved, Rick raised his gun, halting her in her tracks, silently telling her with one swift gesture this wasn't over yet. Alexis had just brought unbridled reality back to Alexandria, undistorted by Deanna's visions of a Utopian idyll built upon a few sheets of tin metal and prayer.

'Cause you were so much better
Than the rest of them
Out of all the others
You were the honest man...