AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN I RICK GRIMES

In The In-Between

In The In-Between

"Take your pick," Carol chirped, pulling out a piece from the satchel slung across her shoulder. "Plenty to go round."

Rick just nodded, hiding his unease in plain sight. The plan had been successful, and that was all that mattered, but it was starting to sit ill on his shoulders, and now here he was, his heart on the line as well as their lives. He was unaware of Alexis accidentally stumbling across Carol at the armoury, nor had Carol cared to enlighten him on the depth of the deception she was now embroiled in, giving Alexis the guns. As far as he was concerned, Alexis was oblivious, and that was how he wanted it to remain.

"Look," Daryl suddenly blurted out, startling Rick and Carol both, "I've been thinkin'. Do we really need these?" He looked almost pleadingly at them, wanting them to understand, even as he didn't. All he knew was that last night he had belonged, as if sitting with almost strangers and eating spaghetti with them made sense, the memory making him feel like Judas, last night now seeming like the Last Supper.

"Don't tell me, you've got a hard-on for Alexis too?" Carol scoffed, shocking the two men, her crude words sitting at odds with her cosy cardigan and bird-patterned blouse. "You waltz in late last night" -

- "Hey, she spoke up for me," Daryl snapped, "Aaron and Eric too. It don't mean we're gonna be braidin' each other's hair anytime soon. Thin's go bad, yeah, sure, we do what we gotta do, but we don't need guns to do that - Alexis, Aaron and Eric ain't down with Deanna either."

"But Alexis, Aaron and Eric don't constitute the entire population of Alexandria," Carol said coldly, glaring at Rick who was now looking almost relieved at this turn in the conversation, "which is exactly why we need the guns."

"Well, I'm good," Daryl said firmly, shouldering his crossbow.

"Rick?" Carol pressed, holding the gun out to him. "Are you onboard or not?"

Rick bowed his head, held hostage by his heart, not wanting to betray the flickering faith Alexis had in him. But what was trust to survival? He reached out for the gun, only to hesitate, fingers faltering. What was one woman he barely knew against his family? He finally took the gun, tucking it down the back of his belt, finishing what he started.

~*~

"Trouble in paradise?" Olivia offered as she came up behind Alexis, who was standing on the sidewalk, watching Deanna and Sasha argue at the gate.

"Looks like it," Alexis said distractedly, thinking of Holly, of what Deanna meant to do about the situation.

"What was all that about between you and Rick last night anyways?" Olivia asked, eyes avid with curiousity behind her spectacles. "You totally trashed his shirt."

"He was being an ass."

"Well, you weren't the only one to cause a scene last night," Olivia said, straightening her ponytail, "sweet Sasha did too. That's probably why Deanna's so pissed right now – and the fact Spencer made a pass at Sasha" -

- "What!?" Alexis exclaimed, whirling on Olivia, who stepped back, startled.

"He made a pass at Sasha," Olivia repeated, recovering herself, "not that it should come as a surprise. She's young and gorgeous and thin" -

- "But what about Holly"-

- "Plus she's got mystery," Olivia rattled on regardless, "Sasha is uncharted territory – and Holly's history," she said suddenly, rounding on Alexis, "that's what you said."

Alexis swallowed hard. "Well, Spencer hasn't hung about, has he," she said, trying to keep her voice steady, "not if he's moving in on Sasha."

"Yeah, if Sasha hadn't spectacularly shot him down," Olivia scoffed, "the woman is insane."

"Spencer isn't what he's cracked up to be," Alexis said, glancing down at her scraped knuckles.

"Well, you should know, shouldn't you?" Olivia said coldly. "You've had him, and Aidan, maybe even both at the same time if what Pamela says is true."

"What!?"

"Oh, you heard me, Alex."

"Pamela's a lying piece of shit," Alexis snapped, "and you must be a bigger fool than I thought" -

- "Are you calling me fat?" Olivia snapped back. "Because I think that's what you're saying, only you don't have the guts to say it outright" -

- "Are you calling me a slut?" Alexis retorted, not believing what she was hearing, especially from Olivia of all people. "Because I think that's what you're trying to say, along with the rest of Alexandria" -

- "Well, maybe if you stopped flaunting yourself, you wouldn't be known as the town bike" -

- "I don't" -

- "You do, Alex," Olivia spat, making Alexis flinch, "every guy in here wants you, Alex, you know that, I know that. You've got Spencer panting after you, and his brother, and now Rick" -

- "Rick?" Alexis said stupidly, feeling like she'd been punched in the stomach.

"Yeah, Rick," Olivia hissed, "Rick fucking Grimes."

~*~

Alexis blundered between the houses, blinded by tears, angrily dashing them aside with the inside of her wrist. She was stupid to care about anything Olivia said, not when she didn't even like Olivia, but it still hurt despite this logic. The memory of last night was now tainted, Rick's innocent kiss corrupted. Was he just like the others, trying his luck with the town tease? Back at the beginning, before the walls of Alexandria were built, there had been a hand on a knee here, an innuendo there, Alexis giving such behaviour short shrift. But Earle had done more than get fresh; he had tried to beat her into submission, hands tearing at her clothes, terrifying her into hysterics. Yet the evidence hadn't been enough, doubt had almost overruled justice, and even now, the town was still sitting on judgement on her.

She stumbled to a stop, catching hold of a window-ledge for support, her breath coming in harsh gasps. Her reflection in the glass showed a woman with wild eyes and golden hair frizzing around her face, a woman who stood alone, unable to protect herself, never mind her family. She wasn't strong; she was weak; always waiting for somebody to save her; always wanting somebody to ride to her rescue, and do her dirty work for her. Deep down, she knew that was what it was really about; she had wanted Deanna to execute Earle for what he had done; that Pete's blood had to be on somebody else's hands other than hers.

Sobbing, Alexis set off again, rounding a corner before crossing a lawn, not caring where her feet carried her. Carol's guns were hidden in her closet, but she couldn't pull the trigger, not then, not now. She couldn't and wouldn't kill, dooming her dearest to die before she would move to protect them, but only when it was too late.

From beyond the walls, she could hear the dead drawing near, guttural groans escaping ravaged throats, a sound she fell asleep to, reminding her the end of the world always lay just beyond the gates. Out there, it was simple, the rules of existence being ruthlessly rewritten. Stay alive or be dead. Kill or be killed. But in Alexandria, existence was insular, exaggerated. Every move was magnified, every word twisted.

She staggered across the grass, only seeing the wall until the last second, just stopping short of crashing into it. On the other side, there was the scrape of dead fingernails, a roamer tearing at the steel like it was flesh. Distracted despite herself, Alexis hesitated before pressing her palms against the metal, knowing that it was only this dividing her from death. In that heartbeat of hesitation, everything was illuminated, her pain suddenly petty.

Alexis leant her head against the wall, suddenly calm, beyond caring. There was life, and this was death, and all they did was exist in the in-between, just waiting for the end.

I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does...