AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN I RICK GRIMES

My Heart Is Golden, My Hands Are Cold

My Heart Is Golden, My Hands Are Cold

Alexis tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, before smoothing down the front of her denim pinafore, the white t-shirt she'd layered it with setting off her tan. She paced Jessie's kitchen, on extreme edge, not just about being under her brother-in-law's roof again, or the approaching lunch, but also over what had happened between her and Rick last night. She'd handled it all wrong, losing her cool, letting him see the storm inside her. But then again, he'd lain hands on her; yet hadn't she invaded his personal space from the word go, always breaching his barriers -

"Dime for your thoughts?" Jessie smiled as she set the table, eying her sister with some amusement.

"Rick ruffled up my hair," Alexis choked out, the memory humiliating her.

"Yeah, that whole thing last night edged on the bizarre," Jessie said, brow furrowing slightly, "but I would put it down to culture shock. The poor man doesn't know whether he's coming or going. From being out there to in here, it's going to take time to adjust, for them to adapt to being around normal people again."

"And I'm not exactly normal, am I?" Alexis said, exhaling sharply.

"Sometimes, you do come across as a bit... forceful," Jessie said tactfully, "and I do think you're overwhelming Rick a little - not that he can't handle himself of course, he looks to be quite capable of taking care of himself, but maybe you should give him some space, hmmm?" She raised her eyebrows at Alexis almost patronizingly, holding the stack of plates with the air of an expert, the epitome of domestic chic in her checked shirt and perfect pony-tail.

Alexis stared at her sister, the penny finally dropping. "I'm not trying to catch him, Jessie," she snapped, "I'll leave the husband-hunting to Olivia, thank you very much."

"Why not, Alex?" Jessie said tiredly, losing her poise as she set down the plates on the table. "He seems like a good man" -

- "He's a goddamn psycho who held a gun at my head," Alexis snapped, startling Jessie, "I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot barge pole."

"Well, I'm sure he had his reasons," Jessie said tersely, shocking Alexis.

"What like Pete does!?" Alexis spat, making Jessie flinch. "I was just trying to help Rick and he turned like a snake on me!"

"Then why did you bring him back to Alexandria?" Jessie said quietly.

Alexis hesitated, wrongfooted. "Because... because I think he's a good man," she said brokenly, bowing her head.

"Is that why you were holding hands with him last night on that porch?" Jessie said gently, drawing Alexis to her.

"He... he understands," Alexis said, unable to meet her sister's eyes, "but I don't think he understands that he understands."

"And that makes a lot of sense," Jessie said, shaking her head, making Alexis smile despite herself. "But maybe he'll understand without... understanding."

Alexis studied her sister, her smile fading. "Jess," she said suddenly, "why can't it be like this all the time?"

Jessie hesitated, before letting go of Alexis, a shadow crossing her face. "Pete's trying," she said uneasily, "but he's not trying enough. I... I'm seriously thinking of walking away, Alex, but I don't know how. There's nowhere to go except out there, beyond the walls, and you know that's not an option."

Again, Alexis stared at Jessie, shocked at this sudden turn of events. "But you said you wanted to make it work," she said stupidly, "that he'd change" -

- "And I've always said that," Jessie flared up, the tears springing to her eyes, "but when you walked out of here, saying we were over, it was like a wake-up call, forcing me to think twice about who comes first, my family or Pete. He didn't want me to have this lunch you know," she said, straightening the lace table-cloth, "he twisted my arm up my back, trying to make me cancel it, but I didn't give in, even when I wanted to. I seriously thought he was going to break a bone" -

- "Jess," Alexis said, her voice cracking, "listen to yourself, this isn't normal, but you're speaking as if it is. That's why you have to leave, and now. Forget the lunch, just pack a bag and leave – take the boys and come with me to Eric's" -

- "I can't bring that kind of trouble to Eric's door," Jessie said, shaking her head. "I just can't."

"Just leave, Jess," Alexis pleaded, reaching for her, but Jessie turned away, lips trembling.

"Not yet," she whispered, "but soon, I swear."

You can't wake up, this is not a dream
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline...