AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN I RICK GRIMES

Awaken Then

Awaken Then

Who knows what's right?
The lines keep getting thinner
My age has never made me wise
But I keep pushing on and on and on and on...

Alexis perched on the draining board, nursing a mug of bitter coffee, Rick still sitting on his stool, resting his elbows on the kitchen counter, his own coffee lying forgotten. As she looked out of the window, staring at the far church spire, Rick studied her strangely perfect profile, his gaze lingering on her black eye the longest, still unable to let it go. Somebody had lifted a hand to her, and he wanted to know why, seeing it as a threat to his own.

"Why did Diana film us?" Rick asked abruptly, startling Alexis.

"It's Deanna," Alexis corrected him irritably, setting down her mug.

"Never mind that," Rick retorted, "why did she film us?"

"Because that's what she does," Alexis snapped, tucking a tendril of hair behind her ear, "I think she likes to watch it back or something, picking over our quirks and foibles - she fancies herself as quite the expert on human nature."

"I bet she doesn't have you pinned down," Rick said quietly, making Alexis glance at him in surprise, not sure if he paying her a compliment or not.

"How... how long have you been out there?" Alexis then asked curiously, impulsively deciding to take advantage of this unexpected equanimity to satisfy some questions of her own.

Rick exhaled sharply, making Alexis tense up. "Since the beginning," he said reluctantly, fiddling with the cuff of his clean shirt, avoiding Alexis's eyes.

"How did you all find each other?" Alexis pressed, feeling like she was prodding a tiger with a stick, but unable to stop. "Did you know each other before" -

- "We didn't know each other before," Rick snapped, only to regret it. "Sorry," he apologized unwillingly, startling Alexis again, "I... I just don't like bein' cross-examined, okay?"

"I know," Alexis said slowly, "but you've been out there - we've pretty much been behind these walls since the beginning. So the storm more or less passed us by, but not you. Can you see why I'm so curious?"

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Not this one."

Rick studied Alexis for a long moment, his stare almost searing her soul. "You should keep your gates closed, Alexis," he said quietly, tracing a pattern on the kitchen counter with a rough finger, "it's all about survival now, at any cost. People out there are always lookin' for an angle, lookin' to play on your weakness. They measure you by what they can take from you - by how they can use you to live. So bringin' people into a place like this," he gestured around the kitchen, almost mocking his civilized surroundings, "is sheer insanity. What you did was pure stupidity" -

- "Your children were starving," Alexis flared up, eyes flashing like blue fire, "the rest of your people fading - even you, Rick. I had to do something - I - I - I couldn't let you die." She looked away, chest heaving, her lips trembling.

"I've killed people," Rick said, leaning forwards, making her head snap up, "I don't even know how many, but I know I could have killed you - I still could, right here, right now, in this kitchen."

"But you didn't, and you won't," Alexis said, sliding off the draining board, making Rick get to his feet, feeling he was under threat. "I'm not going to hurt you," she said, coming over to him, her hands half raised in front of her. "Not any of you." Again, Rick studied her, his gaze travelling over her earnest face, feeling something long dead start to stir awake inside him. "Why did you have to kill?" she asked gently, straightening his shirt collar, the gesture almost costing her what remained of her courage.

Rick tensed up under her touch, but he stood his ground, gritting his teeth. "I killed so my family - all those people out there - can be alive," he said, his voice cracking, "so I could be alive for them."

Alexis nodded, understanding against her will, that rage she felt towards Pete rising in her again. "I have a family too," she said, half turning away from him, "my older sister and her two boys. They're all I have left."

"What about a husband?" Rick asked carelessly, glancing at her ringless hand.

She snorted, the unladylike sound sitting at odds with her aloof exterior. "You kidding?" she scoffed. "I'd like to see a man try."

"Your sister think along the same lines?" Rick said, leaning against the counter, his tone still carefully careless.

"What, you want me to set you up on a date with her or something?" Alexis said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Sorry to disappoint you, but she's taken."

"Nah, I figured since we were playin' Twenty Questions, I might as well ask some of my own," Rick said, rumpling up his newly shorn hair, the gesture deliberately casual.

"I'm the spinster of the parish," Alexis said bitterly, "so draw your own conclusions." She then made her way over to the window, unaware Rick was doing just that, finally finding the threat within Alexandria's walls.