Faking it || Lando Norris LN

5

Olivia Reyes

Nothing was alright.

When I woke up, there was an uneasiness in my stomach I couldn't quite shake. I had tossed and turned all night, tangling my limbs with the expensive cotton sheets of my hotel room. 

I knew coming to Formula 1 wouldn't be easy, but it was foolish of me to think I was already over the hard part of it. I finished last season feeling triumphant. Hate online had decreased immensely and I was 4th in the Drivers Championship. The team was delighted with my performance and the media presence the marketing team and I had managed to achieve against all odds.

Now I was back to square 1. In fact, it felt like square 0. The team expected results from me, of course they did, but it was nothing compared to what the world was expecting. 

The world didn't expect shit from me last season, but I passed everyone's tests with flying colors and now they were expecting me to keep the results coming, the magazine covers, the photoshoots and the articles with journalists thrilled with the thought of having a woman become a Formula 1 World Champion in a couple of years.

What if it all had truly been a lucky strike? What if I spend the rest couple of years trying to have a season as good as my first one, instead of fighting for the World Championship as I came here to do?

The air conditioner was dialed as strong and cool as possible, but my body was still sweating. My thoughts were racing and bouncing against the walls of my psyche. An endless stream of flaming fleeting rocks of anxiety poured down on me like a meteor shower I couldn't run away from.

I opened my eyes at last, frustrated that the eight hours of sleep had been for absolutely nothing. I didn't feel well-rested. I felt like I was about to burst into flames. I couldn't bear the thought of losing my seat, not after everything my family had given up for me to be here.

My body was officially about to combust. I rushed to get up from the bed and opened one of the suitcases I had inside the room's closet. I pulled out a gym set of black leggings, a black sports bra, and a loose red top, rushing to get everything on like my life depended on it. After my shoes were on, I pulled my hair into a ponytail and grabbed my phone, headphones, and key card before I left the room.

Had I not sped past a few calm people as I made my way down the hallway, I would've thought the building was about to collapse to the ground. My vision was foggy, the ground was crumbling, and the walls were screaming what they always did.

You're a fraud.

I ran. 

I pressed the elevator button, but when I got in, the walls were falling on me when the door was just about to close. I gasped and headed for the stairs. It didn't matter I was twelve floors up, I had to leave. The noise-canceling headphones couldn't drown what was going on inside me. I needed to run until the voices stopped, until the screaming walls stopped falling on me.

Faces turned to see me as I sprinted through the lobby, but I couldn't properly see them. They were a blur, a new kind of wall that screamed even louder than the concrete ones did. 

Count, Olivia. Count.

One, two, three, four, fi—

Fraud.

Shit.

Keep running. 

I ran out of the lobby and into the open space of the hotel. Grass and concrete roads led to pools, to the gym, to a running track, to the beach. I wouldn't choose. I couldn't choose. I didn't want to go to any of those places. I wanted silence.