4. Marriage story

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Waking up at 2pm with the worst headache ever wasn't my idea of what a Sunday should feel like . I searched for the phone on my nightstand but I was so blinded by the light of the street which made it hard to determine wheter or not what was under my hand was my phone . I finally managed to grab it bringing under my covers with me . I had a new message from Leah and one from Nathan .

Leah : Long time no see, okay for a facetime ?

Nathan : Hi do you have yesterday's notes, I wasn't here

"You're never here Nathan" I grumbled under my breath exhausted of this guy asking for my notes when he never bothered to come to class . I didn't open his message hoping that he would've ask somebody else until the end of the day .

Leah's message was, on the other hand, good news . I haven't heard from her in a while and I really needed to talk to her about yesterday . She moved to a different state two years ago to study European History and seing her go away with her three suitcases at the airport left me an horrible sensation of déjà vu . So I was waiting for our facetime sessions with excitement everytime she offered me some of her time . I grabbed my laptop and put on my lap opening the facetime app .

"Hi Aim' what's up ?" Leah asked her voice delayed by the poor connection .

"Hi, I'm good how are you ?" I was so glad to hear her voice rigth now, I missed our highschool night chats when she would come to my house telling me everything about the latest gossips .

"Actually I'm really really happy !" She giggled clapping her hands like a child .

"Oh you have something to tell me" I smirked seing her all excited .

"I do ! And I also have something to tell you ! I hope you won't say no, Imean it's oaky if you do bu-"

"Lily ."

"Yes sorry, so, I am going toooo" she emphasized this last word like to enhance the suspens around her so big news "GET MARRIED"

"WHAT ?" I screamed so loud my roomate probably heard from downstairs "ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?"

"I'm really not ! Kyle proposed two days ago ! I'm so excited !" She was clapping her hands again wriggling on her chair .

"That's sooooo great ! When is it ? Where ? I want to know everything !"

"Calm down Aim' I'm excited too but I really don't know all the details of the wedding yet except that it's gonna be a huuuuge party, probably in a sort of castel, with flowers, lots of flowers, and wine, lots of wine" she said out of breath her cheeks redder than ever .

"Well that's already a lot of details" I laughed knowing she ahd this whole wedding planned since she was six years old .

"And so I wanted to ask you... To be my maid of honour !" she smiled putting her hands together as if to pray for me to accept her proposition when the answer was already obvious .

"Of course I want to, oh my god I can't believe you're gonna get married Lil' that's fantastic !" I said feeling my emotions take over me . My sister-like bestfriend was gonna get married and I was the maid of honour . Right now, I couldn't be happier .

"I know I know I still can't believe it !"

After about an hour of Leah telling me over and over how Kyle proposed to her and where they would go for they honeymoon I closed my laptop put it on my bed and smiled stupidly at my wall like a teenager . Leah was gonna get married, that was awesome . But suddenly I remembered why I first wanted to talk to her earlier . The big news made me forget about last night and I didn't want to bother Leah with some insignificant stories about getting drunk and ending up in myex-crush's car . Come on, she was gonna get married, that was something else than my disastrous love life .

I walked to my kitchen, seing that my roomate was once again away on some business trip or something . I grabbed a cup of coffee, sat on my couch and without notice tears started rolling down my cheeks leaving a burning feeling on my face . I was trapped in my own emotions again, unable to control them, unable to stop them . I could see my reflection on the black tv screen, mascara stains darkening my pale face, my hair being a huge mess . I needed to calm down, I needed to breathe, to stop sobbing like a baby . Fighting my demons I managed to find my way back to my room, open my closet and rummage through my stuffs to find the only thing that could ease me . I took out Charlotte's old teddy bear and hold it tight as if to go back in time when everything was easy, when the only thing that mattered was to take her with me to go see the fireflies . She gave it to me just before flying to Europe, I remember her turning towards me and handing it to me with the biggest smile she ever gave me . I knew at that right moment, she was happy . But it wasn't the same for me . She was my whole, I tried so hard to protect her and seing her flew away, all grown up and able to live her life by herself when we thought it would be so complicated for her had a bittersweet feeling . I always thought I could do anything because life for me was easier than for her . But the truth is, by dedicating myself to make her life crystal clear, I forgot to work on mine, and now I was lost .
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