I Wish You The Best

11 - Delilah

I brush off my encounter with Mason and trudge through the rest of the shift. I knew most people became irritable when injured, facing all sorts of physical and mental battles. But, it was never an excuse to be rude to someone else.

I know he didn't mean to, I know it came out wrong. I'm not even mad at him.

If anything the whole exchange just confirmed that I needed to stay away while he got his shit together. Give him space to navigate his new normal for the next few months and keep my overbearing self away.

I didn't have trouble keeping my mind off everything because as soon as I got home I got my period and after years of gaslighting myself and belittling my pain, I took it seriously.

I have been struggling with painful periods since the beginning of high school.

At first, I just thought it was normal and everyone else felt the same as I do. Growing up all you hear is how older women would just "suck it up" and get on with their day. Imagine my shock when I found out in fact I could not just suck it up but rather had my fair share of emergency room visits.

It started small at first with painful cramping and heavy bleeding, but it only progressed each period. Now I'm usually bedridden for the first two days with nausea, sweating, and extreme pain.

So tonight, when the first feeling of the onslaught of my upcoming period showed up in my lower stomach I prepared to most likely be out tomorrow.

I hate explaining to people why I couldn't do things and for the first few years, I'd make up random excuses and say it was something else entirely but that just wasn't true.

I shouldn't have to sugarcoat what I'm going through at the expense of others and whether or not they feel comfortable with hearing me say I have painful periods.

"You okay hun?" My dad peaks his head around the corner from where I lean against the counter of the kitchen waiting for my food to heat up in the microwave.

"Yea I'm good." I smile reassuringly at him, not wanting him to worry.

"Okay well, I'm heading to bed. You get some rest." He smiles at me one more time and then turns down the dark hallway.

I wonder if he talked to his therapist today. I knew he had an appointment next week but he usually was only this talkative and empathetic after a session with his therapist. I wish he was always like this. I know it will be within time.

I grab my leftovers, and my giant bottle of water and make my way to my bedroom. My bed is warm and welcoming with my heating pad placed just right and a movie cued up on the screen.

I spend the next couple of hours unwinding, watching a random thriller movie on Netflix before calling it a night.

The next morning I'm not so lucky in having a repeat of my relaxing night. I wake up with that familiar feeling of uncomfortableness and tight pain in my lower abdomen, knowing it's going to be a long day.

I had gone to several different doctors who all gave me the same answer— endometriosis.

It's a weird sort of comfort because I'm glad I got my answer but it's not a very detailed one. They say it's very broad and it is. There are tons of symptoms and I happen to check the boxes of many.

I would fight it day by day.

I turn over in a lazy haze to take some pain meds and drink a glass of water but for the majority of the morning, I fade in and out of sleep.

I'm woken up by the sound of a phone ringing. Sitting up I wince at the tightness and reach for my phone.

"Hello?" My voice is scratchy and dry so I drink more water.