Dear Mason,
I'm writing you this letter because it's only fair. You wrote me something the night we split, spilling all your unsaid words and feelings onto the page. I'm writing this to say what I wouldn't then, to give you the full truth of it all.
I knew what we did was a mistake the second you left the building. I knew deep in my heart that it wasn't right, but my doubts clouded that clarity. I wish so desperately that I was strong enough to see through it, but I wasn't. I figured I'd take the time away from you, give you and I this space we thought we needed... and then my mom got sick.
When she got sick it was all I could see, breathe, touch and feel. I moved back home to help dad with her care, and to be there with her everyday. It was the most excruciating pain I've ever felt watching her slowly die in front of my eyes. I had so much anxiety and worry over her health that I never dissected the anxiety that pushed you away. I couldn't confront it.
There were times she spoke about us, times where she wished I was with you again. She always said you'd be my one true love and that we were always meant to be.
She knew.
She got worse fast. It happened in both slow motion and full speed ahead. It was a limbo of waking up everyday, 12 hours of the day sitting by her side and doing everything from helping her eat, wash and even breathe. And then the nights came and lasted even longer.
But I'd take those hours of her here on this earth, rather than her gone.
But then it went too quickly. She went too quickly. And before I knew it there was nothing left of her but pieces. Her clothes, a hairbrush, a painting she loved.
The house. Dad.
So I stayed home I stayed and I found a job at the local hospital and slowly tried to rebuild my life. In a strange but telling way I never really mourned the end of our relationship. I never truly got to sit on the heartbreak long enough to heal from it. I might have moved on, or tried to, but it clung to me like oxygen.
I started going through the motions of life again. Going out with friends, going on horrible dates, and going home to eat dinner with dad. I did it all because I had to for awhile, I had to force myself. But then it got easier and less like I was trying and more like I wanted to.
And that's right about when I saw you again.
Seeing you at the bar was like a hard slap of reality. It was as if I had been living in a stop motion picture since my mothers death and seeing you pulled the plug. It became painstakingly real that I never moved on, that I never got to.
And I'm glad.
Having you back in my life has not only reminded of what I missed but what I deserved. I deserved to love again, I deserved to be with someone who saw me for me. And I deserved to give you the truth. I had spent too long running from it so it's here now for you.
These words are my truth to you, Mason. I never stopped loving you because I never could. You left and found me again at times in my life where I was freshly awake and raw. And this time I will be sure to tell you my fears, tell you when I feel stuck, and cling to you when life gets cloudy.
But with you it never could. You are the sun, you are my sun and I love you.
Always and forever,
Delilah
YOU ARE READING
I Wish You The Best
Romance"Forever was a simple promise before it became a difficult task" Your first love is always the hardest to let go of, which is why Delilah and Mason had promised each other that after college they'd make it work. Unfortunately for them both, their fo...
