Secrets Until Someday

Chapter 45

Brooks POV

I can't hear the words coming through the phone anymore all I hear is a buzzing in my head that gets louder each time I take a breath. My vision turns blurry and my chest heaves. I feel Sydney lay her hand on my arm reaching for my phone that has fallen into my lap, she is saying words but I can't hear what they are. All of my senses are on fire. 

"He's gone," I say with a small breath unsure if the words actually came out of my mouth. I feel my feet moving but I can't see where I am going and it's only when I walk out into the pouring rain that I feel myself come back to life. The fog I am surrounded by clears slightly as my chest moves up and down quickly, pressure builds on my shoulders, and a heaviness in my heart sets in. A rumble brews in my chest as it crawls up my throat but nothing comes out, it sticks there and feels like it's choking me as the words ring again and again in my head. Layla's voice, panicked, swallowing tears, "It's dad Brooks, he collapsed, we called the ambulance, they did everything they could, he's, he's gone..." 

He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.

The words just keep bouncing back and forth until I'm pulled backward by small hands wrapped around my biceps. Covered by the porch roof I shake the words from my head trying to focus on my surroundings as Sydney's voice filters in. "Brooks, baby please look at me." Her hands are pushing the wet hair off my forehead and land on each side of my face. I can't bring my eyes to hers, if I do everything in me will break. 

Suddenly the flood of guilt washes over me, the last conversation my dad and I had, the words I said, and the disgust in his eyes. That was it, the last thing we ever spoke to each other and now there will never be another chance to make it right. He's gone, and I'll never have the chance to say I'm sorry. He died being disappointed in me...because of her, of this. 

"I...I have to go." I try to say and the words must form because Sydney is responding to them. 

"Okay,  I'll drive you." she stammers through tears of her own. 

"No." I look in her direction but avoid the blue of her eyes. "Right now my family needs me." 

I push past her towards my car when I hear her voice, broken, small, and scared..."Brooks..." 

The pain I hear in her stops me in my tracks but I hold onto the emotions erupting in my body. I turn swiftly taking two steps until I'm in front of her pulling her to my chest. I wrap my arms around her so tightly I'm afraid I might break her, I kiss the top of her head and quickly dash away to my car leaving her there standing on the porch with tears streaming down her face. 

Once I am in the safety of my car everything I was holding onto cracked like lightning in my chest as the storm inside me unleashes. I scream, heave, and open the floodgates of tears as I make the short trip home. 

Sydney's POV

I have never felt so helpless in my life. I knew something was wrong when I heard how frantic Layla was on the phone. I couldn't make out her words but I could hear the fear coming through. I sat there watching every ounce of color drain from Brooks's body and I knew deep down that it was bad, but I never would have imagined the news that awaited me when I grabbed Brooks's phone from his lap when it fell out of his hands. 

When I put it to my ear and he took off outside into the rain I tried to comfort Layla but once she told me the news, that their dad, Mr. Dawson was gone, everything in me turned to ice. I was filled with hurt for every one of them, Layla, Mrs. Dawson, and mostly Brooks. The fight that his dad and he had yesterday was going to be the last thing that they ever said to each other and the sinking in my gut knew that the guilt was going to consume him. 

I told Layla that we would be there shortly and hung up the phone rushing to Brooks, I pulled him out of the rain and under the roof of the porch and he wouldn't even look into my eyes. My heart ached for him and selfishly for us. Something inside of me felt him pull away not only physically but like his heart was no longer mine to access even if it was to comfort him. 

The words came out of my mouth as fast as the tears but it was as if he couldn't register them. 

When he told me not to come with him it stung but when he turned back to pull me into his arms my heart told me that it was going to be okay. He needed time and his family but he wouldn't shut me out, that if I gave him space he would let me in to help him through this. 

I let him walk away as I texted Layla from my phone that if she needed anything to call me and I'd be right there. Then I pulled up my messages to Brooks, 

I love you. I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm here. -S

Once I pressed send I sucked in a breath and walked back inside, knowing deep down that everything had just changed, in one quick moment, and nothing would ever be the same again. 

***

A few hours later I still hadn't heard from Brooks or Layla but I had called Quinn to tell her what happened. Before I knew it, Quinn, Sam, Clay, Luke, Maddie, and Riley were all scattered around my living room as we sat in silence. Nobody knew what to do or say, we just needed to be together. 

Quinn and I's phone pinged at the same time breaking the silence, a message from Layla.

I need you. -L

We looked at each other with knowing in our eyes. Quinn spoke first, "Layla needs us, we've got to go." She leaned down kissing Sam on the lips and I slowly pulled myself off of the couch. Nervousness settled in my chest. I was scared of what we were going to walk in on but mostly I was scared about Brooks's reaction to me showing up, Layla needed me and as much as I loved him I wasn't going to stop being there for her because he needed to do this on his own. 

I threw on a sweatshirt and followed Quinn to her car while everyone else gathered their things. We drove away slowly and the closer we got to the Dawson's house the faster my heart pumped. The uneasiness filled the car, I reached over and grabbed Quinn's hand and squeezed it. Both of us tried to gather up as much strength as we could to be there for our friend and I prepared my heart for whatever it was that Brooks needed from me, even if that was nothing. 

AN: I have no words...my heart hurts.