Secrets Until Someday

Chapter 21

Sydney's POV

The memories flooding into my dreams begin to stir me awake.

My eyes start to flutter and I hear a soft heartbeat thudding underneath me, the light filters in through the haze covering and I smell the sweet mix of honey and vanilla.

 Brooks.

 I nuzzle deeper into his shirt when something clicks in my brain... Brooks. 

I sit up slowly not wanting to restart the dizziness I was finally feeling relief from as he reaches around me, helping me to a sitting position. Once I feel balanced I look at him.

"So, you're uh...in my bed...And my mom is downstairs..." I state, hoping he can fill in the blanks. I'm sure my face is covered in confusion but my body is filled with ease. Having him here makes me feel more comfortable than I have in days. 

"True and true." He says. "For some reason, she didn't seem too surprised to see me."

"After everything with Layla, I had to tell her. I'm sorry." I look down at my hands in my lap.

"You don't need to be sorry. Layla knows, so there's nothing wrong with your parents knowing. I told you, I want this Sydney." And he reaches for my hand.

I take a deep breath as I look into his hazel eyes. I have waited for this for so long but there is still something holding me back. My heart wants to open, to let him all the way in, to tell the world we are together but the pain, the ache, the way it all made me feel so unworthy, those scars are still there burned into me. 

The only way I can even attempt a real relationship with Brooks is by laying all my cards on the table, so I exhale the words coming out soft and slow, "And I'm not completely convinced that you're not going to bolt again as soon as I let you in."

Hurt covers his face, "I understand that, but I can prove it. I leave this weekend but I will be back for breaks and holidays. We can make this work."

"And that's exactly what I've wanted since I was a 15-year-old girl in your parent's kitchen but I can't make anything official with you until I fix things with your sister."

"Okay...I get it." A glimmer of hope covers his face as he asks,  "Can I stay though? Hang out for a little bit."

"Won't your parents ask questions ?"

"I told them I was out. That's all the information they need." He says brushing the hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. I'm sure I look like a mess, my hair is back in tangles and I try to tame it with my hands before I wipe the sleep from my eyes. Suddenly very aware of the closeness of our bodies. 

The fact that he's not afraid to upset his parents pleases me more than it should, but the fact that he still won't admit to them the place he had run off to, aches in a very familiar place in my heart. 

Every time we take a step forward I feel like we step right into the next pile of sinking sand and my hesitation about trusting him seems more valid with each revelation.

Because I'm practically a professional at shoving away my fears especially when it comes to this boy I allowed the thoughts and worries to disappear to the back of my mind as we curled up there in my bed for the next few hours. He read some of my homework assignments to me and we laughed over the ridiculous get well soon video the guys had sent.

 It was nice having him here to help me, hanging out in my house, it felt easy, and comfortable, like something a normal couple would do. I felt the flutter in my chest at how much I wanted that to be what we were, a couple, a normal couple, two people who went out on dates, had pictures of each other framed in their rooms, held hands, and spent time with each other's families.