Secrets Until Someday

Chapter 39

Sydney's POV

Everything in my life is chaos. I have been staying after school to help Coach K with tryouts, then staying after that to either work out, tumble, or practice my routine for the UNC tryout. I've also been staying up late working on essays for scholarships I'm applying for, trying to make plans for Prom, helping my mom organize my grad party, and balancing a long-distance relationship. 

I'm exhausted but exhilarated all at once, like I've said before, I thrive under pressure. 

I am currently packing for my trip to North Carolina. I leave in a week and Quinn, who also got a tryout for their squad is going with me. I honestly can't believe it. Things between her and Sam have been more than tense but she told him she is keeping her options open and in his mind, he is the only option she should be considering. Luckily he has been distracted by baseball and we have all been distracted by the planning we have to do for the upcoming festivities. While Quinn and I are away in NC over break the boys are taking their "epic" boys-only vacation to Ft. Myers. We just hope no one gets arrested or ya know, drowns in the ocean.  

My mom is going with us but we won't see her much. Our tryout schedule is pretty intense and will last for four days. Those are four days she plans to spend reading the stack of books she will bring to the pool. 

I've dreamed of this moment forever, moving out of this town and to North Carolina with Quinn, cheering in college, and finally starting over but the excitement I once had about this new chapter doesn't sit as comfortably as it once did because as much as I would love all of that to be a reality, there would be one really important thing missing...Brooks.

 A huge part of me wants to give Louisville a shot and start creating a life with him but I can't give up this opportunity if I make the squad at UNC. So, here's the plan, I go, tryout, and if Quinn and I BOTH make it, which is a long shot, I go and if we don't, then Lousiville here I come. There. That's my plan. 

My chest aches because, with either of those scenarios, I'm leaving behind something I truly love, the plan I've always seen for my future, or my future with Brooks. Long distance states away would never work and it would only hold both of us back, which is something I would never do to him or to myself. We deserve more than that. 

I shake away the questions bouncing around in my head and immerse myself back into the chaos. The only way I can get through all of it is to keep moving and make all the decisions later. 

Avoidance may not be the healthiest coping mechanism but it's currently the only one I've got. 

***

It's early on a Saturday morning and the girls and I decided to spend the entire day shopping for Prom dresses. Quinn and I leave Monday morning for tryouts so we won't have any more time to all go together before the dance, which is in 3 weeks. We loaded up Layla's small SUV and stopped for extra large coffees before we headed about 30 miles south to the mall. It has a few big named stores and a few boutique dress shops in it so we are determined to all walk away with dresses and shoes in hand. 

I walked out of my dressing room in the first store as Layla and Quinn both walked out of theirs. Maddie is still in her room and from the sounds of it is wrestling with her zipper. Kelsey is sitting on a chair next to the big set of mirrors, she is only a sophomore so she has to be asked to Prom to go and to our surprise, Layla did not ask her and accepted an invitation from Luke. She has never labeled anything about her and Kelsey and we don't want to pry. When she is ready to talk about it we will be there and until we will keep our mouths shut and go with the flow. But I'm silently shipping Lesley or Kayla? Whichever their ship name would be, super hard. 

Kelsey smiles as she looked at the three of us stepping in front of the mirrors. I picked a black beaded dress with a sweetheart neckline and thin straps. It has an open back and the pattern of the beads cascades down the fabric beautifully.

 "Sydney, holy shit," Kelsey says."That dress was made for you, girl."  

"I am obsessed," I say as I rub my hands gently over the beads and admire this piece of art tight against my body. "And all my ASSets look fucking fire." I pop my hips from side to side and shimmy my chest. We all laugh and dance around in front of the mirrors. 

I grab Quinn's hand and spin her in a circle, she's in a gorgeous green dress that has a small plunging neckline and delicate lace around the bodice with a full skirt. It twirls as she spins around and we all admire how good the color compliments the auburn in her hair and the freckles all over her skin. Layla swayed back in forth with Kelsey and Maddie who stumbled out of the dressing room with her dress half undone after she gave up the attempt to fit the tiny zipper. 

Layla's parents agreed to let her come shopping because they thought it was only going to be Kelsey coming with her. Their rules have only wrapped around her tighter since Brookss' absence and I feel partly responsible. So as I look around at all of us dancing, laughing, and feeling so carefree I begin to feel the emotions climb up my throat. 

I catch our reflections in the large mirror and swallow hard. "Syd, what's with the face?" Layla asks.

"Nothing, I'm good." I try to brush away the question.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asks as they all circle around me. 

"It's just that, this," I wave my hands around, "all of this, it's changing..."

Without any more explanation a reality we've all been avoiding covers our faces and we pull each other into a long group hug. I love these people, my people, and even though we are moving in different directions we will always have each other. 

***

We just landed. XO -S

As I stared out at the window into the clouds and overlooked the mountains something felt different. It was as if the minute we crossed the state line into North Carolina the sun shone a little brighter and my breath moved easier. There is an energy here I've never felt before and it may just feel like home. 

I looked over at Quinn from the back seat of our rental car and I could tell she felt it too. It was only for a moment that I forgot what I would be leaving behind if I came here and the minute his face popped into my mind everything dimmed and the guilt I felt weighed heavy on my shoulders. 

AN: Uh-Oh, Sydney is catching the NC bug...Which one do you think she should pick NC or Louisville???