Anuj's claim to affection (A Karna-Arjun what-if story)

The only conqueror of pride

Karna's pov

Arjun's hesitation did not seem a good omen to Karna, but Arjun did not directly brush it off.

"You used to hate me," he said steadily. "Right up to the point you got to know we are brothers. I don't want to be treated nicely just because we are related by blood. It would be a benevolence on your part, no doubt, they already call you one of the most charitable persons in our kingdom--"

Karna did not know whether to laugh or cry.

"This is the farthest thing from benevolence I have ever heard, Arjun."

"You can call it whatever you wish!"

"Look--" Karna pacified. "It is not like I want us to be okay with each other just because we are brothers. If--if Guru Drona had not declared you the best archer in the world and if Duryodhan was not my friend, I would have wanted to be friends with you even if we weren't brothers."

Arjun frowned as he worked that out.

"But of course," continued Karna, encouraged, "since we are brothers, it is absolutely essential to me that we--that we can--think of each other like brothers."

"If you want brothers that badly, you can look for jyesht, Bhrata Bheem and the twins, they were never your enemies."

"I perceived you my--my enemy--" The word hurt so badly now, his protest became uncertain. "--only because of circumstances that never had anything to do with you and me." 

"But you did perceive me your enemy."

"Arjun." Karna took refuge in the same entreaty. "I didn't know..."

"You didn't want to know, jyesht."

"I'm sorry, Arjun--I told you, I'm so sorry--if you can forgive me--"

"It's alright," said Arjun. "I do not think you have anything to apologize for, but if you persist, and if it gives you any peace, I forgive you."

Karna, who had never heard a colder concession, resisted the urge to bury his head in his hands. "You do not look like you forgive me."

"Indeed? Then what will make you think I have forgiven you?" asked Arjun testily. 

"I don't know," said Karna wryly. "Maybe when you actually have forgiven me..."

Arjun's scowl was back.

Karna wished he could shake a bit of stubbornness out of Arjun, but Arjun being upset was undoubtedly justified too. There had been a thousand gestures of Arjun's in the past year that were only nice, but he had kept questioning them at every step. He could have asked once, normally, what the matter was.

Instead, all he had ever asked was 'What are you aiming for?' in tones dripping with suspicion.

"You were right," said Karna finally. "I didn't want to know that Duryodhan's bitterest rivals are my brothers."

Arjun's sad smile didn't reach his eyes. 

"I think you should leave," he said. "If Duryodhan does not know yet, you can leave; jyesht and I will not tell anyone."

Karna was dumbstruck.

"What do you mean by not telling Duryodhan? I will of course tell Duryodhan."

"If you wish for an unnecessary fuss, I don't suppose I can stop you." Arjun sounded mutinous. "It will be the same either way. Duryodhan makes a fuss and forbids you from associating with us, or Duryodhan stays in the dark and normally, you don't associate with us anyway."