Anuj's claim to affection (A Karna-Arjun what-if story)

Six

Yudhishthir's pov

It was the strangest of situations, the six of them being forced into one room, armed with the knowledge that they were blood brothers.

There were so many things that had transpired in the past year which, if they had known earlier, they would have died before allowing. There were so many things to apologize for. But it was impossible to know where to begin.

Hanging over their heads, foremost of all, was the way Arjun had spent almost a week incapacitated in the infirmary, seemingly having lost all his courage. It was not easy to forgive the King of Anga for that.

But Yudhishthir admitted the King of Anga had several reasons to grudge them forgiveness, too. To begin with, his brothers, particularly Bheem, had publicly insulted his birth. More than once they had, unitedly, attacked him with words when they came across him, for he was part of Duryodhan's gang--though now that Yudhishthir thought back, he recalled Arjun had given up on those long before. Around the time, he supposed, when he had overheard the fateful conversation. 

Remembering the last minute of the duel in the arena and the sight of the infirmary afterwards, Yudhishthir did not think even their mother's story could make a difference in his heart.

But there was something about the way Karna looked at Arjun. Yudhishthir saw himself in that look of their older brother's. 

It was unique to older brothers when they looked at their younger brothers, that look: the aching tenderness, the aching determination to protect them.

For Karna, it was mingled with guilt and remorse. Yudhishthir wondered how he would feel if he ever ended up hurting Bheem, Arjun, Nakul or Sahadev without meaning to. It would kill him, the guilt, the remorse. He could never have borne it. 

He would never do it in the first place.

Yet it was hardly their jyesht's fault; he had never known. He had been deprived; he was as much a victim of circumstances as Arjun was.

It would be foolish to hold the duel against him.

And then there was the way Karna, over the entire course of the conversation and the silence that preceded it, would keep reaching out to run his hand over Arjun's head wound lightly, as if he wished he could make it disappear by his touch. Possibly he was not even aware how he kept doing it.

Yudhishthir had already forgiven the King of Anga for hurting Arjun the moment he had left his wedding to rush for Hastinapur, but now he did more than forgive him. 

He accepted him.

*****************

Kunti was the one broke the silence.

"I am the one responsible for every harsh word exchanged between you. If you ever feel inclined to judge your younger brothers--" She turned to Karna, then to the others. "--or your eldest brother with unkindness based on the past, remember to blame me, not them."

"We could have if it had been restricted only to harsh words, Maa," muttered Bheem.

Kunti started to protest, but Karna beat her to it.

"I will never forgive myself for injuring Arjun in the arena, so I don't expect any of you to," he said steadily. "But nevertheless I have apologized to Arjun and Yudhishthir, and since you all were affected by it, I apologize to you, too."

Bheem, Nakul and Sahadev studied him. Panchali, who had just walked in, paused at the door, and did the same. Their mother looked horribly upset, and Yudhishthir almost thought she deserved it before pushing away the thought.