Anuj's claim to affection (A Karna-Arjun what-if story)

The mother whose secret was her son

Karna's pov

It did not turn out possible to return to Hastinapur that evening. Weddings took more time than Karna had anticipated. Added to that was the time required to settle the chaotic situation of the gathering. He did not think he could have got through it without Vrushali.

Luckily, there would not be many situations in the future he would have to face without her.

Since he had already been married to Vrushali in his head for a while now--possibly since the day Arjun pointed it out--his mind drifted to two other thoughts constantly.

The first was how Duryodhan was not angry, and how relieved and happy he was about it. 

The second was how badly he wanted to return to Hastinapur, to Arjun.

They had two decades of brotherhood to catch up on.

But this time, he would take Vrushali along.

*******************

Karna travelled with his parents, his wife ('My wife!' he thought) and Duryodhan and a group of his brothers who set off for Hastinapur early the next morning.

When they neared the palace, Karna took an attempt.

"How about you and Dussashan come with me to visit the Pandavas?"

"Don't push it," said Duryodhan grimly.

Maybe someday the two sets of cousins would be on good terms just like Bhisma had always wanted, Karna thought, before he realized how far ahead he was thinking.

So far he had only ever spoken properly with Arjun, and to a lesser extent, with Yudhishthir. Bheem, Nakul and Sahadev were complete strangers to him. Strangers who had never taken kindly to him either, except Nakul who was too easygoing to be too unpleasant to anyone.

The first stage to be reached was where he could talk to all his younger brothers without any ill-feeling from either of their sides. Along with ensuring he avoided Queen Mother at all costs...

He would never, never speak to the Queen Mother in his life--never.

Since he spent the walk down the palace corridors after having dropped off Vrushali at his parents' house and parting ways with Duryodhan repeating to himself he would never speak to Queen Mother Kunti, the first person he came across was of course none other than she.

******************

"Karna."

Karna's first instinct, once again, was to turn tail and flee. Vrushali's words, however, kept him from doing so: You cannot let her deprive you of your brothers any longer.

"Excuse me, Queen Mother--" His tone was polite and cold. "I came to see if Arjun is all right--"

"He is much better," said Kunti. "Before you go to meet him, I have something to say to you."

"No," said Karna. "No, you do not have anything to say to me. I do not want to listen. I--I am not your son that I must listen to everything you say."

Kunti reacted to his increasing hysteria with a calming voice.

"And I will not insult your parents by calling you my son, I promise."

"Thank you," said Karna acidly.

"But since you have found out the truth in a way I would never have wanted--"

"You never wanted me to find it out, you mean."

"I did want you to know, Karna. I just did not know how I could face you with the tidings that the parents you have grown up with and are so close to are not your real parents and that I, your real parent, had in fact abandoned you at birth."

She thought she could not face me? thought Karna in surprise.

The Queen Mother's voice shook.

"That is no justification. I am not justifying myself. But I am glad you know, all the same."

"If things had been left to your hands--you--you--would never have--"

"Would you have wanted to know?" Now she sounded curious. "The day I recognized you was in the arena. If I had told you that day, would you have been happy?"

"What? I don't know--no, I would not have been happy. I would never have been happy about getting to know Radha Maa isn't my--that she--" No matter how hard he tried, his voice choked. He turned away to leave; it was easy for Vrushali to say, but he would never be able to stop running from the Queen Mother. "Even if I was not happy, at least--at least my brothers would not have been my rivals all these days, Queen Mother...at least I would never have hurt Arjun..."

He took enormous strides towards the stairs, desperate to put as much distance between the two of them as he could. 

Kunti called after him.

"I am not asking for forgiveness, Karna. I do not deserve it, and certainly not in one day. But your brothers are as blameless as you. Do you not want to meet them?"

The mention of his brothers brought back to him the original purpose of his visit.

"I do," he muttered. "Would they be awake now, Queen Mother?"

"Let us go and see," suggested Kunti.

She tried to put an arm on Karna's shoulder, but Karna moved out of range. Kunti did not try again.

Afterwards, Karna felt stupid; he had acted the way a child would have, and he needed to act like an adult around the woman who had abandoned him as a child.

******************

When he followed his mother into their quarters, trying to make himself invisible, his brothers appeared to have just got up. 

Nakul was brushing his hair. Dussashan often made derisive comments about a warrior being so obsessed of his looks, and Karna remembered laughing along several times. Today, he simply found it endearing. Sahadev--his youngest brother, Karna remembered--was painstakingly watering two plants simultaneously. Somehow, Karna found even that endearing. It was like the knowledge had changed the way he viewed the world.

His gaze moved to Yudhishthir and Bheem, lazily sprawled over the window sill, studying Arjun, who was building a war formation on the floor.

Hearing the steps of intruders, all five of them looked around.

That day, Karna learnt the true meaning of fear.

Fear--a thing that was born from the apprehension of losing something. Anything.

He had never feared losing. Today, he did.

But Arjun's smile put all his fears to rest in an instant. 

"What took you so long?" He sounded earnest. He sounded delighted.

The blood roaring in Karna's ears slowed down. He found himself breathing again. 

Against his other four brother's expressions--Yudhishthir's was searching, Bheem's, miffed, Nakul's, intrigued and Sahadev's, skeptical--Arjun's smile felt like an armour around him.

"I--" Karna cleared his throat. "I got caught up in something."

Arjun left his war formation to come bounding up to him.

"What did Bhrata Duryodhan say?" he asked anxiously.

"He said he's all right with it."

This time, Arjun's smile widened into a beam. Karna had started to smile back when Arjun looked around at his brothers.

"And Maa told us all the real story, too."