As A Stranger Or A Friend?

Mariel - 18 First Seed, 1245 A.D.

"Miss Frère nay look at me as so, I canno resist ye!" His voice was raspy and filled with desire.

"Then don't." I whispered back harshly.

Where had such boldness come from? I didn't know, and he didn't question it. He hurriedly crossed the room, tearing at his clothes and quickly climbing into bed with me. A small part of me felt afraid seeing him so frenzied, especially after having some notion of the violence he was capable of, but another much louder part wanted his attention. He kissed me hungrily, eliciting a sound of surprise from my throat, and then let his hands run over my body. I wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging to him as strongly as possible and feeling him press his body against mine. It was hard and muscled and so overwhelmingly masculine that I felt dizzy trying to imagine what it might look like when he was completely nude.

"Tell me if'n ye nay want this, else I will no stop." He whispered as he panted and nuzzled my cheek.

My response, or lack thereof, seemed to have no bearing on his actions as he continued to kiss my neck and let his warm breath wash over my skin. Though I suppose he wasn't asking for permission to do that, he was asking to do the other thing. I looked up at the ceiling and felt conflicted. My virginity should be for my husband, or future husband in my case, but he cared little for me. His concubine was pregnant, after all, and he brought her along with the expectation that I would care for her...

"Don't stop."

***

I woke up with a gasp, my sweat-soaked nightdress clinging to me like a second skin. I pressed a single hand to my chest in an effort to catch my breath and sat up to fan myself after a few seconds. Why did it feel like I was running a fever? And what kind of dream was that? And why was he in it?! I had never experienced something like that before. It felt so real as if he were truly here in my bed whispering into my ear and— and doing those things to me! Touching me in places meant only for a husband to be placing his hands! I covered my face out of sheer embarrassment. How could I dream of something so obscene?! And of a total stranger! What was wrong with me?!

Though I suppose one could admit he was handsome, in the right light, and when he wasn't scowling. But any man could look handsome when he wasn't frowning. Right, there wasn't anything special about him. Though he did possess some measure of charm when he winked, but so could any man! That was the point of winking, after all, wasn't it? To look charming? I let out a frustrated groan. I shouldn't think about him this much. Surely no good could come of it. I tossed my blankets away and slid off the bed to land on my feet but fell almost immediately. My legs were so wobbly and uncooperative, and between them, a wetness. Why?! Why was this happening?! And so suddenly!

I hadn't thought of him with any interest like that until now. Before, he had been a passing thought of terror or anxiety that he might appear at an inopportune moment, but this? This was foreign. In fact, I had never thought of any man this way before. It felt wrong and even worse for him to be the first. I finally found my feet and the strength in my legs to carry me across the room when the door flew open. I steadied myself on the vanity and let out a yelp as I turned to see Thea standing in the doorway with a shocked expression.

"Y— Mother Frère, is everything alright? You're drenched in sweat."

"I-I had a nightmare th-that's all." I explained shakily, "I-I was looking for some water t-to refresh myself."

"I'll bring a sponge bath right away, my lady. His Highness wishes to break his fast with you this morning and take you on a stroll of the spring in the woods. You must not appear to be running a fever or look at all uncomfortable in his presence."

"Oh." I breathed quietly, "Yes. Of course."

She curtsied and closed the door.

Would he really find me so displeasing in this state? I looked at myself in the mirror and found that I was flushed and rather soaked in sweat, as she said, but it wasn't unnatural. Surprising, perhaps, but not unnatural. It was normal for humans to sweat and to become red in the face. Would he find me repulsive during all of the summer, then? And in the hotter days of spring? Or even when we were intimate like I had dreamed of Oxlo and I being? The thought weighed on me heavily.

In my dream, Oxlo seemed pleased by my appearance, the way a man should be, right? Would my husband really not feel the same thing? If that were the case, perhaps he would even be repulsed when I gave birth to our children. If he even bothered to be present for it. I pondered these and other troubling things as Thea washed and dressed me and arrived at a single thought: it was silly to toy with one's prey instead of devouring it whole. Why didn't The Third Prince just marry me now and be done with it? Why all of this ceremony? Why not put me out of my misery?

***

"Good morning, Your Highness." I curtsied deeply, then approached him in his dining tent.

"Is it? And what makes it so good?" He bit back as he continued eating.

He never waited for me whenever we were supposed to have breakfast together, even if I made an effort to be ready earlier than usual. Today was no different.

"It is the start of a new day, Your Highness. It is full of possibilities for good things to occur." I explained quietly.

He frowned. "You're stupider than you look. Sit down."

I didn't respond and did as he asked. My meal was served to me, and I began to eat quietly after a quick and silent prayer. He didn't like it when I made any noise, even if it was noise produced from the normal movement of things like the turning pages of a book or the clack of teaspoons against teacups. I was also not to speak unless spoken to and, when addressed, was not to express my own opinion. All he wanted was for me to agree with him.

"We are moving the wedding up." He announced as he chewed.

My blood ran cold. Had he discovered that Oxlo was here the night before? Was I about to be punished? The reality of the situation began to sink in now. I would have to defy him and the other Pale Kings if I was to escape. I felt so brave with Oxlo beside me, but now that he wasn't here, I was terrified. He couldn't protect me if they genuinely decided to hunt us both.

"Don't you want to know why?" He asked frustratedly.

"Only if you should want that I ask about it, Your Highness." I replied in the tiniest voice.

"The pregnant one killed herself last night. If she was going to do it, she could have at least waited until she birthed the bastard..."

He complained as if her death was little more than an inconvenience to him. I was horrified and shaken, to say the least. I knew she was unhappy even though she could confide in no one about it, and it made me wish I had done more for her. The pain that she must have felt in those last moments... I squeezed my eyes shut and did my best to compose myself. If I cried here, he would undoubtedly become angry with me.

"Anyway, I'm not getting any younger, and I need a son. We'll be returning to the palace in a week and be married on the first of Rain's Hand." He declared.

I broke out into a cold sweat. That was a month earlier than originally planned. That meant Oxlo had two weeks to have the necklace forged and enchanted, plan our escape, and somehow find me. I looked down at my plate and felt my stomach twist before emptying it onto the table and my lap.