As A Stranger Or A Friend?

Mariel - 11 Rain's Hand, 1245 A.D.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw the ceiling of the abandoned home come into view within the darkness, along with his face. Was he holding me? He was! I tried to sit up but felt him grip my shoulder hard with one hand while caressing my cheek with the other. I froze immediately upon remembering his revelation. He wanted my heart, and he wanted me to stay beside him. Did that mean he...? Was that his way of saying that he— that he loved me? But how? And why? When had I ever encouraged such affection from him? And so— so passionately? The look in his eyes was one of complete adoration, and while I was certain many women fawned over being looked at that way, it terrified me. It was so foreign an expression on his countenance that it was hard to believe it was genuine. He should not be so capable of such emotion!

"Do you... do you...?" I began but couldn't arrive at that loaded word.

"Be glad that I nay be the only one who canno speak it." He whispered gently, "Ye feel it too then..."

Our lips met and I let out a muffled sound of surprise, pounding his neck with my fist. What was wrong with him?! My head was still spinning; how could he claim that we felt remotely the same about one another?!

He let out a hiss before releasing me. "What be that for?"

"J-Just because y-you confessed your feelings doesn't mean I sh-share them..." I said, trying to catch my breath.

He seemed to become more serious now and slackened his grip on me. I sat up in his lap, then scooted off to sit on the bed beside him, squeezing my hands together nervously. It was quiet, and neither one of us moved. At the very least, I knew now that he wouldn't hurt me since, as it turned out, he felt a profound affection for me. Even if I didn't feel the same way, it let me breathe a little easier now that I understood his perspective more. But where would I begin trying to make him see things from my perspective? Perhaps now was the time to air the grievances I had dismissed before since he seemed confused by my reaction to what he'd done.

"I am grateful that you rescued me. If you hadn't... I don't know what would have become of me. But... While I am grateful, you also threw my life into chaos from the very moment you stepped into it. You saved me then, too, from being raped and, I suppose, from destitution by leaving me with that pouch of gold, but those things are small compared to what I lost. I have only ever truly wanted a few things in my life. I grew up humbly, so I could not want for so much, but one of those things was to teach and care for children. Perhaps my words were harsh that day in the garden walk, but when I was fired from that station, you didn't just take away my livelihood; you took away my dream. And that family, they spread rumors about me that I had—"

I paused for a moment to compose myself. The subject was grotesque to recall.

"That I had let myself be violated by all of you while their son watched. I could not risk that coming to light in the home of any other family who would trust me with their children. I couldn't. So I became a maid. And then you took that too because I— because I couldn't let you wander into the fire. And then you took my freedom, or what little of it I had left, on the docks when you just wouldn't take the gold you had given me back. So please understand that while you have given me reasons to be grateful, you have also done just as much, if not more, to throw my life into disarray and to terrify me."

He seemed beside himself as I laid out everything that had transpired between us from my view. I suppose it all looked rather different to him; after all, he was not the one picking up the pieces. He just saw, did, and moved on.

"I do not wish to hurt you, but cannot accept your feelings..."

He nodded and set his jaw hard. "Were ye true when ye said ye could no stand bein' 'round me then?"