Home for the Summer (BOYXBOY)

42 | Sandcastle

It hit me once I reached the sidewalk in front of Benji's house that I probably just accidentally broke the boy I love's heart, and even though I hated that I did it, I didn't want to go back inside and look at him.

I had a few options. I could call my mom to pick me up, and explain that she'd have to come back later for Nico. I could hide somewhere in Benji's house until the party fizzled down. Or, I could walk to the beach and sit there while I lost my mind. The latter sounded like my best option.

Before I could take another step, a voice called out to me.

"Apollo?" someone said. I turned around to see Lilli making her way over from the porch. I hadn't even seen her when I walked outside. God, I was out of it.

Lilli looked tired, like she had just woken up and found herself on the doorstep of a party. She was dressed like she belonged here. Her eyes said she didn't.

"Are... Are you okay?"

I didn't realize until then that my cheeks were all wet and my stomach was aching and every part of me felt like death.

"I'm," I began, not sure how to continue. "I'm a little drunk."

She smiled at this. I knew her smile. I sort of missed it. "I can see that."

"I think I'm ruining my life."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That's no good," she said. I looked at her, desperately trying to telepathically communicate that I needed to get the fuck out of here. Somehow, it worked. "Do you wanna take a walk?"

And so, we did. We walked down the street and into the night. At first, neither of us spoke, but it grew too difficult after a little.

"I'm really sorry about everything," I whispered, letting the stars gulp up my words, Lilli glanced at me before nodding.

"You know, it's funny. I thought I was going to fall in love with you."

"Really?"

"I mean... You're a great guy, Apollo. Thoughtful and smart. Dreamy," she smiled, but it was a little sad. "And I remember looking at you and thinking, 'This is the boy I'm going to love for a while'."

I looked down at my shoes then. The alcohol was still clouding my mind as Lilli continued.

"I don't know why I was so sure about it, but I figured you were sure, too. And even when you ended things, it sort of stuck. It was stupid. Ridiculously stupid." Lilli let out this funny expulsion of air and I looked over at her again. "So, really... I messed things up, because I fell in love with the idea of falling in love with you. And I'm sorry."

"I'm the one that kissed a girl when I knew I didn't like girls."

"It's not that simple," she said.

"Isn't it?"

"You liked me, didn't you? Not romantically, but you still liked me."

"Of course I did. I do."

"Then, there. You kissed me, realized you just liked me platonically, and ended things. I kept things going."

I glanced up at the stars, just making sure that they were still there. "I just wish all of this was easier."

There was a pause before she said, "Do you love Nicolas?"

"Yes," I replied without a second thought. "He's leaving me, you know. He's flying home in a few weeks."

"I'm sorry."

"I just... Wish I hadn't gotten so close to him. It's too hard."

She shook her head as we slowed our pace. "He's leaving himself here too, Apollo. You think you're the only person that was affected by him spending the summer here? Trust me. The Nicolas Young I met at the start of summer looked a lot different than the one in Benji's house right now."