Home for the Summer (BOYXBOY)

Mountains Between Us: Part 1

Nicolas didn't call.

Maybe he did, but my phone was broken for three days after he left and, when I finally did fix it, things felt shaken. Somehow, whatever was there at the train station seemed diluted. I went through our messages. He'd texted me a couple of times, but I could almost hear his voice through the phone and it all became too much. This wasn't how my senior year was supposed to feel. Both of us deserved better.

On my first day of school, Benji swung by in his broken down car and mom took our pictures in the front yard. The two of us compared schedules and joined our friends in the parking lot and spent the first moments of our senior year with each other. I tried to think about anything other than the boy I left to be pulled apart by his home, and it was difficult. I could almost feel him tugging at the other side of the country.

"Apollo," Rowan said during second period. Her and I were the only ones from our friend group that took an honors English course. "...How are you feeling?"

I put on a smile. "I'm relieved to finally be at the end of high school. Well... The beginning of the end."

She looked at me, taking in my entire expression. Her and Izzy both had this way of pulling your words right from your eyes. "It's okay to be sad."

"I'm fine, Ro'." The teacher was scribbling at the white board and I was trying hard not to break apart right there.

"But, hypothetically," she continued, "if you were going through some stuff, I'm here to talk. And everyone else is, too."

"I'm fine," I repeated. I couldn't even convince myself.

I had stopped checking my phone at all by the end of the month. Nico texted me at first, but after I stopped responding, he stopped sending anything. September came in with the promise of new thoughts, something other than the summer. At least I had enough busy work to distract me.

If I wasn't finishing assignments or helping with student council, my time was spent on college applications. Every admissions essay I started had me wondering what exactly my 17 years of life had amounted to. I didn't do anything. For the years my friends were growing and experiencing, I had barely lived. Needless to say, my mental state wasn't terrific. Autumn couldn't fix a thing.

And then, a few days before October, I got a letter from Nicolas Young.

Dear Ollie,

I feel a little stupid writing this but, well, I don't have many options, do I? Vermont is colder than I remembered. I miss the ocean a lot. And you. Especially you. I've been busy with hockey practice and college apps and other nonsense. Senior year is difficult for a number of reasons, but I never thought one of them would be you. I guess I won't be flying in for the fall, which is alright. Are we alright? Don't answer that. I'm sorry if this seems scatter brained, but that's sort of where I am right now. Scattered. Yeah. I'm going to keep this short, I think. Please write back soon.

Love,
Nico

I hid the letter in my desk drawer like it was a loaded gun. Part of me wanted to write back. Part of me wanted to burn it. Most of me wanted to cry.

Halloween night wasn't what I expected it to be. Benji and I showed up to a party with the rest of our friends and, after an hour or two, I was drunk and wanted to get out of there. Instead, I made out with a boy I didn't know. He was tall, his hair was dark, and in the thrown out light of a stranger's bedroom, he almost looked like Nico. We never exchanged names, and by November, I had forgotten him.

According to my friends, I was spiraling. They were being a bit dramatic.

"You and Nicolas haven't broken up, have you?" Izzy asked, forever the confronter. Us five were gathered in my living room like some intervention.