The Only Thing Stronger Than Hate (Minizerk)

Chapter 5

I left Harry's fairly early the next morning. I texted him as I walked not long after having left.

SIMON: Thanks for last night, I had a great time x

HARRY: So did I. Hopefully, I'll see you soon x

SIMON: Oh, you absolutely will ;) x

HARRY: I'll be looking forward to it ;) x

When I got back to my apartment block, I entered the dorm quietly. Josh was already awake, though.

He was sitting on his bed, playing a game on his phone when I walked in.

"Okay, when I said about if you came in late, I wasn't referring to this late. How long were you out drinking?" He laughed.

"Not that late, I stayed with a friend. But I didn't want to stay too long so I'm back now." I told him.

"Someone only leaves that early in the morning if they have plans the next day, or they slept with that person." He said inquisitively.

"Alright, fine, I was on a date. Nothing serious, I don't want to lose focus this year." I explained.

His expression hardened.

"I don't feel comfortable discussing that with you." He looked away from me, glancing back at his phone.

I frowned, trying to understand what made him uncomfortable.

"Forgive me if I'm wrong... You know I'm gay right? Is that why discussing this is a problem? Are you not comfortable with my sexuality?" I bit my lip, stress creeping over me.

"Simon, I'm not a homophobe. But this is not something I can talk to you about." He said firmly.

"I get it if you're not comfortable talking about something, but why does this make you so uncomfortable? It's not that deep, Josh. I'm seeing a guy, and I'm a guy, too." I said, growing exasperated.

"I am the last person who would be uncomfortable with that Simon, this just isn't something we can't talk about, why the fuck can't you understand that?" He raised his voice.

"How am I meant to know that? That you're not uncomfortable? Because you sound pretty uncomfortable to me right now!" I yelled back.

"Just fuck off, alright?! I'm sick of you and your perfect life! You don't have to rub your happiness in everybody else's face!" He stood up, throwing his phone down on his bed.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! When have I ever done that?!"

"Every fucking day!" He yelled, breathing heavily. "Every single day you came to school so fucking happy, and everything you ever wanted just came to you, you have no idea how lucky you are!"

"In case you haven't noticed Josh..." I began, speaking in a much quieter and more even tone - though it was dripping with anger - stepping toward him. "I wasn't happy every day. A lot of bad shit happened, and just because you didn't see it doesn't mean my life was perfect."

"Your family loves you! Your friends never left you! You get to be yourself every day, and people like that about you!" He shouted.

"So you're jealous? Jealous of what?!"

Josh gave a humourless laugh.

"This is another thing I refuse to talk about with you because I can't fucking stand the idea of how you'll react." He sneered.

"We said one more argument, and we'll talk about this shit. Well, we're talking about it now!" I insisted.

"No, no, we're not! Because this wouldn't have even happened if you just listened to me and dropped the subject!" He shouted.

"Tell me right now, why the fuck are you jealous of me?" I hissed.

"Because you came out and got to continue with your happy little life! Nobody cared! Nothing changed! If I come out... Well." He laughed bitterly.

I internally paused for a moment. Josh was gay?

"For your information, people cared. You just had no idea. People laughed at the idea of having a gay football team captain, said it made us look weak. And I got fucking jumped!" I exploded.

"I didn't know that, but tell me one thing. Do your parents still love you?" He asked quietly. The anger was still there, but the tears in his eye and the wobble in his voice gave away another emotion.

"Yes." I looked down at the ground.

"Then, as far as I'm concerned, you're lucky." He spat.

"Why the fuck are you angry that my parents accepted me?! Do you want them to hate me or something?!" I yelled.

"No! I just wish mine didn't!" He yelled, choking on a sob before slamming the door, storming out.