A Pole and a Gun

19 - Because you loved me

♧ TRIXIE

Nox and I are sitting in the living room, nestled on separate sofas watching funny cartoons. The images move on the TV, but I'm not registering anything as my mind has drifted off elsewhere.

I hope Dimitri is okay. The way his features changed when faced with the person responsible for today's shooting, I couldn't compare it to anything other than raw fury. I know that as a member of the Mafia; you have to be able to do certain things without thinking twice, but in this case, it hits really close to home.

He is not fighting against another cartel; he is battling his own family on this. Sergei has stolen from under his family's nose. Probably for years, and Dimitri is trying to nail him down, proving to everyone that he is not to be trusted.

What if he loses himself in the process?

We may have only known each other for a week, but I can feel the connection between us that runs deeper than just attraction. Apart from giving in to our sexual desires and lust, there is something that pulls us together. Like the moon that moves the tide, I can feel that magnetism towards Dimitri.

"Naw, dinnae worry about it, aye?" Nox stares at me when I haven't laughed at the idiocies that Tom and Jerry are pulling on the screen. The worry is clear on my face, and I doubt Nox can pull me out of this one.

"You can't blame me for being trapped in my own head," I heave a sigh and reach for my soda. "I'm just a fucking stripper, dancing my way around a pole to get through life." I take a heavy gulp, trying to calm my nerves and wishing it was vodka. "I'm not made for this shit."

"Ye ken I dinna want you talking like that." (You know I don't want you talking like that.) Nox narrows his eyes at me, like scolding a small child for misbehaving.

"The girl who always runs when life gets tough, and yet now, I want to stay," I confess. Now more than ever, I realize that my life has been a shit show lately, and amidst all the mayhem, I finally find solace.

There really must be something wrong with me.

"Gonnae no' dae that!" (Don't do that) Nox sits up straighter, tipping his bottle of beer to his lips, and slams the empty one back on the table. "Don't talk yourself down. You're a bright woman."

"If I didn't make such poor choices, mistakes one after the other, I would agree with you," I said, a small smile faltering on my lips.

I've made many mistakes since taking that bus with the clothes on my back and cashing every cent in my bank account, following the fraud called Chaz. He waited for me in a limousine when I arrived in Nevada. I should've seen the signs then.

He had seen me dancing at a bar on campus when I had just turned eighteen. Sweet-talked to me for hours, promising me fame and fortune. 'Vegas is where stars are born,' he promised. My past young self hung onto every word, dying to one day dance on stage.

A firm load of bullshit.

He took my money that was destined for a higher education as his fee and then gave me a royal placed kick on my fine ass, leaving me to pave my own way through the jungle that was the city of lights. Lucky me.

"Why did ye run from home?" Nox's dark tone made me whip my head up to the present.

That. Right, my supportive entourage. While I grew up with the same luxuries Dimitri possesses, his family dynamics aren't the only one that are fucked up.

"My parents," I gulp, feeling the tightness around my throat increase, like a leash that wraps itself around my windpipe, cutting my life force. "They weren't keen on my dream to become a dancer."

"Ye are a good one," Nox nods, "I've seen it. And I dinna talk about ye pole skills," he gives me a fat wink.

"Becoming a stripper was never the goal I had in my life, you know?" I mutter, eyes downcast at the chipping nail polish on my toes. "I was raised by rich people." It's difficult to talk about this, but Nox gives me the silent strength I need. He is listening to me whole-heartedly. "They had a whole path laid out for me, wanting the things that would give them bragging rights at the country club."

"Can't choose ye parents," he shakes his head, like he is talking from a place of mutual understanding. Now that I think of it, he is a long way from home.

"I ran out of fucks to give," I blurt, really craving some Beluga from Dimitri's stash. "If I couldn't chase my dream with them supporting me every step of the way, I would create my own path."

"Brave," Nox agrees.

"In my experience, stupid." I untie my ponytail and let my hair fall around my face. "I didn't really think things through," a dry chuckle leaves my lips.

"Do they ken where ye are?" (Do they know where you are?) Nox asks, raising a brow, trying to figure me out after spilling my guts.

I shake my head. "Is there something stronger around here?" I raise my empty glass in question, attempting to steer the conversation away.

A grin draws on Nox's face and I know he is thinking the same thing I am. The good stuff is in Dimitri's office.

"Ladies first," he offers his hand and together we make our way to raid Dimitri's stash.

I pull open the cupboard from where I saw Babushka taking the Beluga the last time and find an array of bottles and tumblers neatly placed inside. Bingo.

"What does Artair mean?" I ask Nox, remembering his full name, Artair Lennox, as I pass him a tumbler and start pilling bottles on Dimitri's desk.

"Means bear in Gaelic," he softly smiles.

I must say, the name suits him. Scarily built like a grizzly bear, but after this evening, I have a new perspective about my assigned bodyguard. He has a golden heart. He's not grizzly at all, he's a teddy bear.

Nox fills the glasses generously and fists one towards me. With a nod of his head and a clink of the crystal, we sink back the alcohol.

Immersed in a friendly conversation, we are interrupted by the door slamming open and crashing into the wall.

"What the fuck?"