and we hated

Fact no.3: Spending your summer in the same house as your ex isn't the best idea

NOAH

"Maybe I shouldn't come to Spain with you", I tell Kai as I come back to our dorm room. Kai already started working on his suitcase, his hoodies, T-Shirts and clothes thrown all around our room. I just open a beer and sink on the couch. I am still in my training clothes, since I just came back from my run. I always like running in the evening, when it's almost dark and the air gets a bit colder.

Kai comes from his room, wearing only his sweatpants, as if he was trying on the T-Shirts right now.

"What the heck, Noah?!", he begins. He's one of the only people who still uses my first name when talking to me. Usually they address me with the name written in bold letters on the back of my hoodie. Coin.

There is one other person who used to call you Noah.

I shove the thought away and try to focus on the lips that have been touching me until I started my run. Some girl from another dorm. Nothing serious. And she knows that we'll never be more than a one-time thing. However, she still managed to kiss away the emptiness I feel ever since she left me. Ever since I lost her.

"Did my sister talk to you?", Kai asks, already knowing the answer.

And here goes my attempt not to think about April.

"She did", I say. Our conversation at the football field flashes through my mind again. The way she said she hates me. I knew it. Deep down, I have already known it. How could she not hate me after what I did? But hearing her say those words. Seeing in her eyes how she meant every single one of them.

It took a great effort not to puke on my way back. Or during the time I have let another woman touch me the way I want April to touch me again.

Even the alcohol in the beer can't wash away that feeling.

"You know April", Kai says and I hardly stop choking on the nothing in my throat.

And how well I know her.

Kai doesn't know April and me dated some time ago. He was on his exchange year in Tokyo at the time. We were all still in high school. We started dating while he was away and kept it a secret from everyone. As he came back, we were already broken up. April made me swear I would never tell him. I listened to her.

"She just doesn't like you as much", he continues. That feeling of emptiness returns. I need to get laid. Soon.

"Glad the feeling is mutual", I lie. He bites it.

He walks through the living room to the kitchen and gets himself a beer from the fridge. I watch him open it and drink a bit from the bottle. He then looks at me again and says, his voice more nervous as before: "Could you please come with us to Spain?"

There was something in his tone that showed the fact he really wanted me there.

I still don't think it's a good idea.

"Your sister might kill me", I reply. No lie. I bet April would do it gladly.

"She might. But you know that I'm moving out in fall", he adds. I try hard not to show that it affects me. However, I still swallow hard. Kai decided to move out of our dorm room and go somewhere more  in the city. He found a small but nice apartment in Brooklyn and bought it a few months ago. He still hasn't told me the real reason he's moving out though. And he knows I am not buying his "close to the city center" shit. I've dared ask April a few time ago, she only glared at me, her dark eyes making that typical roll and told me she doesn't know either. Something in her voice told me that even with her gesture, she had indeed been honest.

Which leaves me to having no idea why he moves away and being forced to share the dorm room with another guy on our football team, Max Ward. He's not bad or anything, and I am sure he wouldn't dare pull any shit since I am his captain, but it would still be different than living with my best friend.

I take a deep breath and stand up, heading to my room. Kai follows me with his gaze, curiosity written all over his face.

"I have some bags to pack", I tell him and he smiles.

"That's my bro", he shouts as I am on the hallway. I flip him off. I can hear his laughter even from my room.

The moment I open my suitcase, I know this was a bad decision. Spending almost three months in the same house with your ex, person who hates you more than anything and person you love with your everything wasn't exactly on my wishlist. I know it wasn't on April's either.

But I'll do it. I'll fake hating her and act like there's nothing more between us. I won't mind the death stares she gives me or the frozen looks.

I'll enjoy our bickering though. Since that's the only way we talk nowadays.

The feeling of being empty returns. And I do the one thing that keeps me away from falling in some weird sad phase. And although I know the sad phase might hurt less than my coping method, I still do it. I kiss. And get laid.

I know it's not right. And not the way to live a healthy lifestyle. Kai has been teasing me about it, trying to make me stop for a while now. But I just can't stop. If I'd stop, all I would see would be April. And she made it pretty clear she wants nothing to do with me anymore.

So I do this instead. The girls know from the moment we meet that they shouldn't expect a relationship with me. That I am only theirs for the night. Some accept it and don't ask any questions afterwards. Some still try, hoping they will have a chance. My answer is always the same. No.

I drink from my beer and call Blue-Eyes. She gave me her number yesterday. I still don't know her name.

We make plans to meet at ten.

I take a deep breath and start packing my suitcase.

I guess I'm going on a trip.