Murder, Talk no Jutsu and Other Easy Solutions

*Insert 'Fashion' by Lady Gaga*

"Why the hell are we here?", Sasuke asked with a twitching eye. Maria gave him a bright smile.

He was not in a good mood.

First he had been forced to clean the Hokage faces with Naruto and Maria (he still didn't know how she managed to talk him into it. One minute he was saying there was no way in hell he was going to do it, and the next he was on a window washer's platform scrubbing 'f u' off the fourth's chin. It was kinda scary), then he had to carry a third of her groceries all the way back to her apartment (which was right beside Naruto's. Go figure), and then Naruto just had to mention his fridge and pantry were empty, which made Maria declare they were going back out to buy even more groceries, this time for the moron. Her treat. In the end, Sasuke had probably carried more than twice his body weight in groceries to Maria and Naruto's apartment complex. Now he was in some civilian boutique, with a smug Maria, a Naruto who wouldn't stop oohing and ahhing over everything in the damn store, and his angry-self who most certainly did not want to be there.

Needless to say, he was pissed.

But Maria didn't seem to care about that, because she answered his question with a genuine smile, and not one of those 'do what I say or else' smiles he was used to seeing.

"Because I still need new clothes, and so do you and Naruto.", she responded. Sasuke looked at her in bewilderment, then looked down at his outfit.

"What's wrong with my clothes?", he asked. Maria frowned at him.

"What's wrong with your clothes? Boy, you got that ugly-ass high collared top, with fucking armwarmers and shorts baggier than an insomniac's eyelids. Do not lie to me and say you look good.", she said, using the 'boi' hand gesture. Sasuke stood there gaping as he got roasted, but Maria didn't stop there. She looked at Naruto, who was looking at some colorful tops, with her hands on her hips and looked him up and down with a look of slight disgust.

"And don't think you're the only one looking like trash, Naruto can't assemble the fit either. Motherfucker looks like a damn tangerine in that kill-me orange jumpsuit.", she said snarkily. Naruto jolted when he heard the insult, before slumping over in dejection.

"But... but it was all they would let me buy... ", the boy mumbled quietly, hoping no one would hear, but both Maria and Sasuke heard, and it caused them to frown. It was clear that 'they' meant the villagers. Maria quickly forced a smile so as not to upset Naruto, but Sasuke kept scowling.

"Well then it's not your fault you dress awful, but you don't have to worry about it anymore. Because I'm going to fix that.", Maria said, pulling out her still extremely full money pouch.

"We're going to buy this place out, and then we're going to get some ninja equipment.", the pink haired woman announced, but Sasuke gave her a soft look and pulled out his own money pouch.

"I'll pay.", he declared. Naruto and Maria both looked at him in shock. Sasuke blushed and began to look sheepish.

"You've already spent so much today. Let me cover it. It's not like the money is being used for anything else.", he said, frowning as he recalled how he had obtained his insanely large inheritance. Maria gave him a soft smile and patted him on the head.

"You're a good kid, duckass.", she told him. Sasuke blushed at the physical contact and the compliment, but then scowled at the nickname.

"'Duckass'?!", he exclaimed in annoyance. Maria nodded and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Duckass. Have you seen the back of your head? It looks like a duck's ass!", she exclaimed back. Sasuke felt the back of his head, and his eyes widened in horror and realization.