Murder, Talk no Jutsu and Other Easy Solutions

The Rise of The Lorax

Maria had no idea what the fuck she was supposed to do. She was in the past (how the fuck that was even possible was a mystery. Astral projection? Hagoromo fucking with her? Jashin?!), and she was hiding behind a tree, listening as the Uchiha men (because they were Uchiha, she knew that now) slowly encroached on the cornered Kawarama. Maria could see his face. The kid was trying to put up a brave front, but the boy was scared out of his mind and looked seconds away from crying. If she didn't do something, the boy could die. He would die. And she would never be able to live with herself if she stood by and did nothing while an innocent child was murdered.

So, in a split second, Maria made a decision. Whether or not it was a good one was yet to be seen, but she'd be damned to the depths of the pride ring before she let that kid die. She was already playing savior to so many people, what was one more?

Maria made a few hand signs. It was a jutsu to amplify her voice ten times its normal volume. She had learned it out of curiosity from one of Sasuke's books a few days ago, and she was so glad she did. In mere moments, she had the bare bones of a plan concocted in her head. Hopefully, like with most of her plans, it would be just stupid enough to work.

"WHO DARES TRESPASS ON MY SACRED LANDS?!", Maria yelled, using a demonic voice to sound more intimidating. There were screams of fear from the Uchiha's

"Who-who's there?!", one of the men yelped in fear. Maria started to panic.

'Shit, what do I tell him? I can't give him my real name or else I might fuck up the timeline, and not in the good way. I should pretend to be a spirit or a god or something, but what kind? It has to have something to do with the forest. A dryad? No, those don't exist here. Demeter? Again, doesn't exist here. Maybe... no, that's stupid... but maybe just stupid enough to work... '

"I AM THE LORAX, I SPEAK FOR THE TREES! I AM THE GREAT GOD OF THE FOREST, KEEPER OF THE SACRED LOG! I ASK AGAIN, WHO DARES TRESPASS ON MY SACRED LANDS?!"

'Oh sweet Jashin, I can't believe I'm actually doing this.'

The Uchiha's all gasped at Maria's pretentious introduction, but the leader of the trio was not deterred. He snarled at the tree before him, masking his fear.

"Lies! There is no such god! Once we kill the child, we'll kill you as well, you arrogant fool!", the man declared. Maria scoffed.

"YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO HARM ONE OF THOSE UNDER MY PROTECTION AND DENY I EVEN EXIST? TRULY, INDRA'S DESCENDENTS HAVE PRODUCED A GENERATION OF FOOLS. YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING. YOU WILL LEAVE THIS PLACE AT ONCE AND LEAVE THE CHILD BE, OR I WILL SMITE YOU WHERE YOU STAND WITH THE POWER OF THE LOG!", Maria yelled, throwing in a Castlevania quote and a bit of lost knowledge about the creation of the Uchiha clan to sound more ancient than she actually was. Maria smiled sheepishly as she threatened to kill the three Uchiha's with a log.

'Sorry Tenten, the Log Religion must be created for the sake of saving people's lives. Though, maybe it won't spiral out of control into a cult... yeah no, with my luck it definitely will.'

The Uchiha's started to sweat and became nervous. Most people would panic if they had their bluffs called, but this person wasn't panicking.

"Do your worst!", one of the cockier Uchiha said with a smirk. Maria smirked from behind the tree.

"AS YOU WISH."

Then, in a puff of smoke, Kawarama was replaced by a log. The Uchiha's gaped at the piece of dead wood, and then screamed at the top of their lungs. The Lorax was real!

"AHHHHH!", they yelled, and then they ran off in the direction of the battlefield. Maria blinked.

'Why was it that easy?... Oh yeah, this is like a hundred years in the past. The Substitution Jutsu didn't exist back then until Tobirama invented it and like, ninety percent of all elemental jutsus. To them, I probably pulled some black magic fuckery with the log. And they weren't about to mess with that, apparently.', Maria figured out as she stared down at a shocked Kawarama, who was staring up at her after being put flat on his ass by her jutsu.