Voiceless Soul

Chapter 13: The Bar incident. Savior.

WARNINGS: Beware or sensible and traumatic topics in this chapter, reader's discretion is advised, mention of r*pe attempt, sex*al ab*se, physical harm, abuse, violence, non-consented intimacy, manipulation, drugs, alcoholic beverages, harassment, intimidation, masturbation, past traumas, stress post-traumatic disorder, self-harm, self-inflicted wounds, past story of childhood abuse and intra-family violence, sad past, past stories, memories, hurt and comfort, sickness caused by drugs and alcohol intoxication.

If any of this topics triggers you, please be careful and put yourself first to be safe it would be better to probably avoid this chapter.

Don't worry, in the end everything solves ....

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Chapter 13: The Bar incident. Savior. 
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From then that month ended the same, Yoongi would go to school mechanically, do what people expected of him, pretend to be a good student, make his homework even in the middle of the night, arrive early even if that meant no breakfast, and diligently study for his exams and homework, as that had been a close call, he decided to commit to his responsibilities. He would be anxious all day, scared and in fear. 

But for the rest he felt more death inside than never ever before. He didn't find joy, his school life had ended, people hated him, and now he felt even more scared, he would hide behind his clothes, so they wouldn't recognize his mint hair, that he would have painted if it wasn't because the hair dye was expensive.

He would work hard each afternoon and sometimes at night, but he never had found joy in his job. He would have some drinks with his band mates, and he would at least enjoy his music, which was the only thing that felt constant and safe in his life.

He had apologized to nurse Seol but he wasn't ready to talk about what he had done, and as he felt that without that she still was disappointed in him, he had stopped going by, he would pass from outside and say hi or goodbye with a hand movement, but he never went inside. Not even when he felt sick. She had felt really sorry about it, she felt he was more lonely than ever and she couldn't even help him.

As for Hoseok, he would see him on Wednesdays, but they didn't talk, they communicated through text messages, and the rest of the week by email, they would send the information they had researched, and ideas, but they didn't talk more than that strictly. And Hoseok also has stopped trying to.

Some days Yoongi would fake feeling sick, and ask the  teacher to let him go to the Infirmary. Hoseok knew he was lying because the teacher would never get the Infirmary permission, nor did Nurse Seol, had seen him. Yoongi couldn't be with Hoseok in the same room,  it was painful to him, he didn't want to see him, so he would lie to get away, some days he   wouldn't arrive, he had fever, his grandma had died, his dog was sick, and many more excuses. At this point Hoseok was covering for him, he felt he owed him that. He would tell the teacher he knew his grandma had been sick, or that he knew he had a dog, or that he had caught a cold and stuff. The teacher had believed him. But Hoseok felt rejected.

They never had caught the guys who did him dirty on the toilet. So Yoongi  lived in fear of them doing something to him. It didn't happen, but he felt every dude's face was his bullies, and lived scared and humiliated with it, feeling all of them were laughing at him. He would be jumpy, the few times Hoseok had seen him in the halls, he had seen him jump and run at least twice.

The only thing he had in life were his friends, his music, and the alcohol. He had started to drink more, each night he was doing his bartender activities he would drink from time to time to numb himself. He would forget his fears then.

No one cared about him at school, but Hoseok who had been watching him from afar, had noticed Yoongi had changed, he wasn't himself, he no longer dressed as himself, he no longer looked human, an automaton moved without will. He looked lost, his eyes were lost, his dark circles were more prominent. And from time to time he would make up whatever excuse he could to not go to the Wednesday lesson they had together. That spoke of a broken soul.