Bet We Could Make Some MORE (History Huh?)

9: Cold Feet (Henry)

The tent for the reception is going up nearby. They meet with the owner, walk around, get a lay of the land. Everything seems to be going as planned, so after an hour in the early Texas morning sun, they head out.

---

They sit down in a small booth in a diner, their security at a nearby table, otherwise the place is pretty empty. They normally don't have much security these days, but with the wedding being public, it's better to be safe than sorry.

They are waiting for their food while Alex works on his third cup of coffee. Henry takes a deep breath and looks to his fiancé.

"Do you want to sleep with a woman again before we're married?"

Alex nearly does a spit take, a few drops of the dark liquid slipping from between his lips. "What? No! Why would you think that?"

"Or another man?" Henry continues as Alex wipes his chin. "I know you never really got to meet people while you understood your sexuality." Henry isn't sure what's propelling him forward, but he needs to know, to confirm, that Alex is ready.

"Yeah, but baby, I don't care about that. I care about you. I love you. You are everything I've ever wanted and more than I ever thought existed." Alex reaches his hands across the table to hold Henry's. "Where is this coming from, Henry?"

It's so sweet and genuine, Henry wonders how he could even have had to ask. But still it irks him, that there's something. "I don't know, Alex. It's alright if you're having some cold feet. I know you love me and I know you're loyal, but if you're thinking about how it's just me for the rest of our lives–"

"Henry, you are all I want for the rest of our lives!" Alex softly rubs small circles with his thumb on the back of Henry's hand to sooth him.

Henry's voice goes quiet, "Ok, if it's not that then what? I know it's something, Alex. It's not just the campaign and work and wedding planning. I know you're stressed, but I know you and something is off." Alex has stopped rubbing circles and Henry grasps his hands tightly. "You're different. You're pulling away from me. For months now. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it."

"You don't have to fix anything, baby. It's not you, it's not the wedding, I promise. I am so excited to marry you, trust me, it's the only thing keeping me together. You are the only thing keeping me together."

"But Alex, what is it?"

"I'm stressed, Hen. It's all gotten to be overwhelming. I feel like I'm not being the lawyer my clients originally hired, I'm not able to be the politician people need, I'm not being the fiancé you need."

"Alex, darling, have you spoken to Al about all this?"

Alex shifts his weight back in his seat. "I haven't been going. I haven't gone since that day you set up for me, and..." His elbow on the table, he leans his forehead down into his hand, closing his eyes. "I walked out on him halfway through. And I went to a bar." Alex looks up at him, tears starting to well up in his eyes, "And got drunk. Instead of dealing with it."

"Oh, Alex." Henry squeezes his hands, leaning over the table towards him. "Baby, what can I do? I want to help."

"You're not upset with me?"

"Well, I'm not happy about you skipping all your appointments with your therapist, and I'm a bit concerned, love. Do I need to worry about your drinking? Is it becoming a problem? Because last night... you scared me, Alex."

"Baby, no, I'm so sorry. I got out of hand last night but that was the first time I've been drunk since that day with Al. Please, don't worry about that. I won't drink at all if you'd like."

"I really think you should call Al, and tell him what happened. Maybe he can do a video session? I know he would be able to help you with this more than I can."

"No, baby, you are all I need." He gives Henry an innocent smile.

Couldn't Alex see that he was asking too much of him? He couldn't be Alex's only life raft, he was having a hard enough time keeping himself afloat. "But I can't support you on my own, Alex. I'll always be there for you, but I think it's good to have extra support."

"You're right, Hen."

"Why don't you want to talk to him then?"

"Because I feel like if I start to talk about it, about everything, I'd fall apart. I can't fall apart right now."

Henry has grasped one of Alex's hands in his again. "When do you ever give yourself the time or space to fall apart a little?" He raises Alex's hands to his lips to kiss. "And let me help you put you back together again."

Henry leans over to kiss him, slowly. His lips push into Alex's as if trying to breathe love into him.

"It wouldn't be a little." Alex says quietly, as they break apart.

"A little what, baby?"

"I wouldn't fall apart a little. I would fall apart completely."

"No, you wouldn't. You're so strong, Alex darling."

"Not as strong as you think," he whispers under his breath, but Henry hears it.

---

Their day is packed. First a dance lesson; they have to learn their first dance in less than a week, and then cake tasting, and then going over decorations one last time. The rest of the week is like that as well: more dancing lessons, meeting with the photographers and news crews, finalizing the menu with the caterers, and a rehearsal dinner, all before the big day.

Henry is a good dancer, ballroom lessons were a big part of his royal upbringing. Alex is... learning.

"Ouch!" He steps on Henry's toes again. Luckily, after the first time, the dance instructor had suggested they take off their shoes, so it doesn't hurt as much this time.

The first dance will be televised, and then that's the end of the broadcast. The rest of the reception is just for them and the guests (but there's still nearly a thousand of them). The first dance is going to be "Your Song" by Elton John, the same song they had danced to in the V & A.

"I'm sorry, baby. I think, maybe, I'm too hungover for this today. Can we call it?"

"Yes, I think that best." Henry releases his fiancé's hands and steps back. It's hard to be this close to Alex right now, there is so much that they left unsaid in their earlier conversation. Henry is now even more convinced Alex is hiding something and not knowing what it is is killing him.